Birds.

Early morning sunrises, with the grass a little damp against your toes & you look around & the world seems to just be waking up from the sleepy nights before.
--these little details bring me right back to mornings in Florida when I was a child. My days were filled with moments like this.

Taken in a flash.

Truth be told, not many people look at relationships like this. They see dating as something 'fun' to do on the weekends, or when it's convenient for you. That's not what a relationship is. Relationships take work, they are challenging & heart-breaking. But, more than anything--they are rewarding. This statement is so true & when I found it I stood in my tracks. I was raised to look at relationships just as this quote goes--can you picture yourself with that person in a marriage? I wasn't allowed to date til last year, 18 years old, because my parents felt I was old enough by then to make wise decisions.

To be completely honest, at this age, I still don't know what a 'wise choice' is. But, I do know one of the most important things when it comes to seeking out & waiting for my beau, I will not settle.

Girls, please don't settle. Don't let a boy walk into your life & lead you to believe that he can take something that isn't his until there is a ring on your finger promising a forever to you. Just stand firm on your desires, because once something is given it can never be taken back, no matter how many times 'I'm sorry' is said.

.grace.

Songs to fill your day.

{Ever hear a song on the radio & it brings you right back to a memory? Either good or bad, it still takes you right back to a moment in time?}

Lyrics to songs are my outlet to life. They express the thoughts that are jumbled up inside my head just begging for a way to come out. There are days where I feel like the rest of the world is failing me & the only release I have is putting music on & allowing it to take me away to words that I can't quite form on my own, but in some radical way, that song knows exactly how my heart is feeling.

Because at one point before that song actually became a song, one person was sitting on their bed writing out those words onto paper, feeling exactly the same way I do. They were begging for a way to express their inner most thoughts. A place where their words weren't judged, or their life wasn't as complicated as it seemed. For that evening they were taken away into a world where their words could run free. Where their pen could express the raw details of their life. It didn't matter if those words were never shown to anyone, it just helped that it was now written. Their heart was free again. It was learning how to breathe.

My mind is jumbled tonight. Thoughts running throughout it & not desiring to slow down anytime soon, so tonight I'm playing music & letting the songs speak the words I can't seem to form on my own.

.me.

Pixel.

Long car rides & kitty cuddles.

A story not yet told.

Today she took that leap into the unknown. She said goodbye to one of the safest places she's ever known & ran back to the place where family begins. She's left everything behind, the people she has come to adore & the life she's known for over two years. From this day forward all of that will only ever be a memory. A memory of who that girl use to be. --the outer appearance of her expresses laughter & probably one on the happiest people I've ever known, but what many of you don't see is the girl within.

This beauty is searching for a place to land, somewhere that's safe & uncharted. A place where she's accepted by society & loved by the deepest souls she's ever known.

Decisions have been made & prayers have been said. Her heart has exploded with the love her family has shown her & she's about to embark on a journey worth taking.

Her story is like no other, it's raw & heart-breaking. It's a story that no one would choose to live on their own, but she was chosen for this life because she is strong enough to conquer it. She's been pushed & she's been challenged, but she's never given up because she was born a fighter.

She is going to change her generation. I believe that. i know that. --God chose you for this life because He wants your story to be the one that gets told. Not someone else's....YOURS.

--her future is limitless. Her future is beauty pouring out into words of a life unplanned, but, lived to its fullest.

She is raw beauty &&, she is crazy loved.

.me.

It's written in the sky.

{You thought your words could hurt me once again & I would just stand back & be a sounding board for your emotions, but this time I walked.}

I did the only thing I knew in my power I could do. I'll no longer be your ear to listen when you need a friend, or the person you run to when the rest of the world is failing you. I won't look you in the eyes anymore & see the boy I once knew. --I won't be the encourager you need on the nights when you feel yourself giving up. I can't be anything for you anymore. My time has come & now it's gone.

My willingness & drive to be that constant for you is now a faded memory & desire. I've shed enough tears over you & your wild trail of emotions you've sent me on in the past 3 years, that I don't desire to be in this book anymore. I thought I did, I thought my time wasn't up here, but there are tiny moments in time that show you a glimpse of the future & what is ahead for you & I didn't like what I saw. I saw a future where I always sat on the sidelines waiting for it to be my turn instead of someone waiting for me for once & desiring me. I saw fear.

My mind will always linger on the words never said, but I will no longer let my heart reminisce on the past, because the past will only ever be a vivid memory of who I once was.

I'm not her anymore. She let her heart fall into something that was never there to begin with, she let her mind drift far too far into the future of things promised but never kept, of dates never planned & time never spent.

I don't want your promises or your words anymore, all I want is a goodbye. One last & final goodbye.

{I should have looked deeper within the outer appearance & realized that the answer was written in the sky all along.}

The writer.

drifters of the wind.

{My mind is feeling free tonight. Unable to settle down & feeling more than content at where I'm at right now.}

--I'll be honest with you all, I have my days of doubt, but I find that when I'm in doubt of where my future will lead, I need to seek comfort in my Daddy God. I've been having a lot of days here lately where I've felt like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. The weight of work, future decisions, family issues, everything in my life I felt was coming down on me all at once. Ever have those days? If you say no, you're lying. Everyone has challenging days & that is the reason I haven't really been writing, because I didn't really feel like throwing my problems on my readers.

But, I learned something here lately, no one is going to get it right in this life. We are ALL going to fail. & in the past month or so, I've failed, a lot.

-------------
I spent a portion of my day today reading my sister's blog--
http://messyharbor.tumblr.com/

I suggest you go right now & read her story. it's exquisite.
It's beauty pouring throughout her words. &&, it's because of her that I'm writing tonight. As I was reading one of her writing in particular, I felt an urge for her. A desire to put myself in her shoes for just a moment & know what it was like to be the one behind that writing. I found it hard to though, to be in her shoes, to walk where she has walked. To even begin to understand her depth of happiness, sorrow, giddiness, sadness. All of it. I don't think it's ever easy to understand someone, even if you've been through something similar as they have. You haven't walked that life, you haven't experienced their struggle, because we all deal with life differently. --& that's normal. We're suppose to respond differently to life, because God didn't create any one of us the same.

I am different than you.
I always will be & you'll never begin to understand the life I have lived.
That is just an honest truth.
You may think you know my life & my daily obstacles & life's little spurts of love God sends my way, but you don't. --But, through my words & the simple way my hands run across the keys & my pen hits the paper, I will try to express this life to each & every one of you.

I am a drifter of the wind. 
{I change my mind a million times a day.
I can eat fried pickles like no one's business.
I let my messy curls be free whenever they want to be.
I believe in forgiveness.
My mind gets confused with my heart at times.
I'm not a morning person. Rather, I'm a night owl.
My family is dysfunctional, crazy & witty & I wouldn't have it any other way.
{My world is made up of kitty cuddles, always cheerful goodmornings from my parents, windows down & sunshine bursting throughout the sky, & drifting of the pen into my journal of far away thoughts.}
I am a failure at this life God has given me. But, who isn't? truthfully.
&&, to be honest, I'm okay with admitting that.
As I'm sitting in my room tonight & listening to--
'The One You Need" By:Shane & Shane
I'm okay with stating the truth. It needs to be written. More so, it needs to be admitted.

Tonight, my mind is at peace. My mind is giddy, literally I have this happiness about me & I don't really know how to describe it. All I know is that it's a really good feeling.

I'm a million little blown dandelion flowers trying to find a place to land. Trying to seek out a place that's safe & unused. A place where they can start over & become something. My mind is bursting with wonder & curiosity. --This is my mind drifting, tonight.

.Messiness.