One week.

One week is all I got with you. You said our interests were too far off but, you never even gave us a glimmer of hope. I don't even know what your voice sounds like, or the way your lips turn up when you smile. I have never seen the color of your eyes or heard the exuberant sound of your laugh. I don't know what it feels like to be standing next to you & feel your tall demeanor beside me. 

There is so much I was anticipating with you. The first time we met & finally locked eyes. Or the moment I introduced you to my family, or walked you through my hometown. Or the moment I grabbed your hand & took you to explored all the hidden, tucked away places, that remind me of my childhood. 

You walked in at the perfect time, you gave me the chance to open a new book, turn the page & start writing again. My journal flung open on July 4th & started writing. & as i wrote those words a smile appeared across my face without my knowledge. 

That one week gave me a glimpse of what it's like to lay on your mom's bed every night & seek advice from a women that 30 years ago was standing directly in my shoes. It's through her eyes that I see the stories flashing before her, the reminder that her daughter is now in the place she was in when my father walked into her world. 

& then there's a dad that stands tall at 6'4, & tells me stories of the beginning stages of his romance with my mom, he lets me into a world that at nineteen years old, I had yet to hear. He begs to hear my heart & desires to be let into this world of mine, I beg for the same thing. 

you spoke radiant truths to me tonight. Tonight sparked a new book for me...my books may be tiny, but they hold so much knowledge all wrapped up into a few short pages. Pages that one day I will pour open & share with my daughter. I'll express to her that life isn't always fair & sometimes you get broken, but that just gives you your own book to journal in. A book to reminisce on & scribble meaningless thoughts into. Your journal is your canvas, no matter how many times you paint over it, you'll always see a new story hidden beneath the ink.

Your written words are all that I'm able to carry with me, but the hopefulness of you is fading like fog in the early mornings.

Grace.

63 minutes.

I knew you for all of 63 minutes. But, in that time I saw my life flash to a future unknown, but one I wasn't scared to face. One I wasn't scared to picture in my head. If the only thing you did for me was to show me that I can see that silver lining again, than thank you. Thank you for taking that leap with me & for the honesty you shared. You didn't know me, you didn't have to open your heart to me, but you did. You showed me your inner most self & laid everything out on the table for me, you became vulnerable to me. You saw me as someone you could trust, at least I think you did.

Our words flowed so easily, they spoke of truth & honesty. They shared the words of a future & a promise that neither one of us wanted to budge on. --In the short time I knew you, I opened a part of my heart that hasn't known what it's like to flow fluently & not be afraid of how it would be taken on the other end. I also became vulnerable to you, I laid all the cards on the table & hoped you would accept me for me. --But, it was me that didn't accept you.

I said goodbye.
I said goodbye to the first person that let me know what it's like to believe again.
--Believe in a chance worth taking.

I didn't know you for long, & we only grazed the surface of who we are, but you brought me hope.
Hope that unknowingly I had been searching for all along.
for 63 minutes a smile enchanted my world, it came in & swept me off my feet.

&&, for that, I thank you.

.Grace.

It's written in the sky.

{You thought your words could hurt me once again & I would just stand back & be a sounding board for your emotions, but this time I walked.}

I did the only thing I knew in my power I could do. I'll no longer be your ear to listen when you need a friend, or the person you run to when the rest of the world is failing you. I won't look you in the eyes anymore & see the boy I once knew. --I won't be the encourager you need on the nights when you feel yourself giving up. I can't be anything for you anymore. My time has come & now it's gone.

My willingness & drive to be that constant for you is now a faded memory & desire. I've shed enough tears over you & your wild trail of emotions you've sent me on in the past 3 years, that I don't desire to be in this book anymore. I thought I did, I thought my time wasn't up here, but there are tiny moments in time that show you a glimpse of the future & what is ahead for you & I didn't like what I saw. I saw a future where I always sat on the sidelines waiting for it to be my turn instead of someone waiting for me for once & desiring me. I saw fear.

My mind will always linger on the words never said, but I will no longer let my heart reminisce on the past, because the past will only ever be a vivid memory of who I once was.

I'm not her anymore. She let her heart fall into something that was never there to begin with, she let her mind drift far too far into the future of things promised but never kept, of dates never planned & time never spent.

I don't want your promises or your words anymore, all I want is a goodbye. One last & final goodbye.

{I should have looked deeper within the outer appearance & realized that the answer was written in the sky all along.}

The writer.