my last goodbye.

{Three years later & your goodbye hurt.}

I don't know the reasoning behind this, but I know that it's time for me to release you. No matter if you never read this, or if you're reading it tonight. I need to do it for myself. So, I can feel free.
I don't plan on forgetting about the past three years, but I don't plan on lingering on them either. They're memories, but that's all they shall be. Memories, fading into the dust & becoming stepping stones to our futures.

I do. I remember that day like it was yesterday. bald head, brown beanie cap on, & a smile the lit up the entire room. You made it important to talk to me that night & you did, for the entire evening. You made an impression from the first day. I miss that boy.

You have changed. I have changed. --& with that, we have made our way here. To our last goodbye. We've had many of these in the past three years, but none of them have ever lasted long, I've always welcomed you back with open & ready arms. I can't anymore though. You chose this & you know that. Weather you regret it now or will someday, you made the choice & I'm doing my part by releasing you.

{always a favorite of mine.}
we spent a summer together, three months is all it took for me to fall for you, for me to have my heart fall deep into a boy that changed up my world. & will always carry apart of me with him. One Summer, that's what I asked for & you gave me that, but in the end, that was all you could give me. I asked for more & you denied me what I needed.

College hit us--

I became this to you. The option instead of a priority. Please, don't make the next girl an option as well.

You've changed a lot since college started. I knew that you wanted to get out of our small town someday, but I didn't know that meant leaving everyone behind. But, it's what you've done. You've said goodbye to this chapter of your life & you're desiring to live up your college years. That's completely okay, I just hope someday you don't look back on these days with regret. Regret of pushing your family away & the people that cared more for you than the people that are now graduated & moving away to far off places. I hope you figure out what's most important to you.

You were very good at giving me your time when you were home & didn't have college & friends surrounding you, but I wanted to be apart of that world. You never gave me the chance. You never seemed to be proud to call me yours.
It's okay though, the next boy will be.

You did. I tried to stay. I even asked to stay & you let go.
The last time I looked into your eyes they seemed hidden, blocked off to me & no longer mine to look into. It took me three years to have you let me into your world. & in the blink of an eye, we said goodbye.

We've parted ways & I only hope that someday we may cross paths again, maybe in a coffee shop while you're ordering a Chi Tea, or I'll see your band's name on a flyer for a concert & see you from afar. Wherever it may be, or if the time never comes where we lock eyes from a distance, I wanna say thank you.

{Thank you for letting me go. If the 'spark' was no longer there for you, or if it never was, I thank you for giving the next boy a chance at truly loving me & knowing what it feels like to be a priority, instead of an option.
Thank you for the past three years.}

I'm not distraught over this, I'm rather excited to see where my next journey will take me. I wouldn't trade the past three years for anything, but it's time that I move on & find myself. Find out who I am, without depending on someone else's happiness. You should too.
But, do me a favor. Seek out happiness & love in God first. Don't try to 'fill the void' with someone else other than God. He needs this time with you. Same as me, He needs some alone time with me. Where there are no distractions & He doesn't have to share me with someone else. Give Him that much, please.

One last thing...

Grace.