cancer.

I'm slowly breaking down....
I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. Why parents are taken from their children that need them. Or why parents have to sit there & watch their child slowly dying. I know death is apart of life, but it's still hard for me to grasp.

He's my story for the night--
about a month ago my parents came to me & told me that my uncle has colon cancer. He's only a couple years older than my parents & when he went into the hospital one day for a normal appointment he walked out with either stage 4 or stage 5 of cancer. (at that point they had yet to determine what stage it was.)

Once the tests came back, they found out he had stage 4, which with chemotherapy is curable. Stage 5 would have been terminal. That day their entire life changed. Their future that they had mapped out, changed in the blink of an eye.

My aunt & uncle have two young boys, ages 5 & 7. That's where I don't understand, why is this happening? They need their dad. They need a father that is going to help them through the tough things in life that a mom simply can't handle. (Now, I'm not saying that I've already marked him off as not being able to fight this & not being clear of cancer someday, no. I'm just hitting my breaking point tonight where I'm terribly hurting for them.) There is a reason God gave us a mother & father, because there are different qualities they have that the other can't fill, or at least not as well as they should.

This past week my uncle started his chemotherapy, & he isn't doing well at all. He's very sick, hasn't eaten all week & just told my aunt yesterday that he can't do this anymore. That he wants to give up & let the cancer take over his body. Now, I've known my uncle for the past 18 years & he's always been a strong man & seems to be a fighter, but he's very depressed & same as me...not understanding the reasoning. He just got taken to the hospital yesterday & hooked up to a IV because he was very dehydrated.

----
I guess the reason I'm laying out all my fears tonight is because I'm realizing how short life really is. 2 months ago my uncle had his whole life ahead of him. He had two young boys that he adored & a wife that he couldn't imagine going through life without & now he's on the verge of just letting everything go.

Life is short. Life is fragile.

I don't understand the reasoning that this is happening to our family & to my uncle, but I do know this---God has a plan for this. There is a reason this is happening & I pray daily that he will come out stronger in the end & he will be cancer free! Of course I don't know the outcome, but I know how great my God is. & how if He can make the whole earth flood, He can heal my uncle if that is what's suppose to happen. & if he's suppose to go spend eternity with God in Heaven, then that's where he will go & we will all crowd around my aunt & help her in any way she needs.

Nothing happens unless it is God designed. It's hurtful to think that it was in God's plan for my uncle to get cancer, right? yes. But, we are all going to sit back & watch him fight this, until he has nothing left to give.

My heart is definitely breaking tonight for my sweet little cousins that don't understand what cancer is, but all they're seeing each & every day is their dad laying in his bedroom in pain, slowly letting go. I can't even imagine seeing that.

Do me a favor--
appreciate your family tonight. Or anyone that you hold dear to your heart. You never know when it'll be their time to go...sad thought to think of, but it's true. God chooses when we take our last breath. Don't take this time for granted, love on them as much as you can. Because as you can see, you whole life can change in a matter of one day.

love,
me.

 *Prayers for my uncle Keith would be greatly appreciated.