Delight in You.

I want to soak in your presence. I want to breath in your promises & adoration. I want to delight in YOU. 

I have felt this stirring in my heart lately. A stirring that I couldn't quite pin point till right now, at this moment as I'm sitting in a car on my way home from Atlanta, GA. A stirring to seek rest in Him. No, the stirring wasn't to toss everything aside & finally go to beauty school, it was to allow myself to find pure giddiness in my singleness. --I have my days of sadness, but lately I have found more days to be joyful than to be sad. I am happy. I am more than happy, I am giddy. My happiness doesn't depend on a boy's happiness or shift with his mood changes, it single handedly rests in my own laughter-filled spirit. 

8 months ago I said i was giving a year completely to God & my singleness, I didn't really know how powerful those words would become & how rewarding they would be as well. I have been placed in situations where I could have fallen into that hopefulness & excitement again, but I wholeheartedly want to be single....for right now. 

God could decide to shake up my world tomorrow & if He does, it is HIS doing, but I find rest tonight in the fact that my happiness resides in HIM.

I thank Him for never giving up. 

.the writer.

One week.

One week is all I got with you. You said our interests were too far off but, you never even gave us a glimmer of hope. I don't even know what your voice sounds like, or the way your lips turn up when you smile. I have never seen the color of your eyes or heard the exuberant sound of your laugh. I don't know what it feels like to be standing next to you & feel your tall demeanor beside me. 

There is so much I was anticipating with you. The first time we met & finally locked eyes. Or the moment I introduced you to my family, or walked you through my hometown. Or the moment I grabbed your hand & took you to explored all the hidden, tucked away places, that remind me of my childhood. 

You walked in at the perfect time, you gave me the chance to open a new book, turn the page & start writing again. My journal flung open on July 4th & started writing. & as i wrote those words a smile appeared across my face without my knowledge. 

That one week gave me a glimpse of what it's like to lay on your mom's bed every night & seek advice from a women that 30 years ago was standing directly in my shoes. It's through her eyes that I see the stories flashing before her, the reminder that her daughter is now in the place she was in when my father walked into her world. 

& then there's a dad that stands tall at 6'4, & tells me stories of the beginning stages of his romance with my mom, he lets me into a world that at nineteen years old, I had yet to hear. He begs to hear my heart & desires to be let into this world of mine, I beg for the same thing. 

you spoke radiant truths to me tonight. Tonight sparked a new book for me...my books may be tiny, but they hold so much knowledge all wrapped up into a few short pages. Pages that one day I will pour open & share with my daughter. I'll express to her that life isn't always fair & sometimes you get broken, but that just gives you your own book to journal in. A book to reminisce on & scribble meaningless thoughts into. Your journal is your canvas, no matter how many times you paint over it, you'll always see a new story hidden beneath the ink.

Your written words are all that I'm able to carry with me, but the hopefulness of you is fading like fog in the early mornings.

Grace.

My dad.

It's conversations like these that I'll always remember with my dad.

Rainy mornings.

Laying in bed & hearing the rain fall right outside my bedroom window is one of the greatest ways to wake up in the mornings.

August.

I can still feel you creeping into my every day life. The places I see, the moments that were cherished there, it all comes back to me in that little space in time. How can it not? You were my world for 3 & 1/2 years. My comfort zone. My meadow that I could always run away to. You knew me deeper than anyone ever has, even my family. You knew my inner most self & in return you trusted me with the deepest parts of you. 

Days pass & I sometimes question what went wrong. Why did you have to do what you did? Was I not good enough? Was I too much to handle? I begin to blame myself for the reason of your departure. Should I? No. You left for reasons unknown to many, but it was clear to me the moment i met her. She fit your mold of a girl. She gave you some of the qualities i never would be able to, even if I went to the ends of the earth for it. Even when you weren't aware of it, she started filling the void of me. She walked into your life right as you were on the edge of a new journey, she came in as the 'new girl' & gave you something you knew you couldn't have, but wanted so badly. You wanted a new adventure, a new girl to capture. 

The moment you walked into those doors on August 25th, you had moved on. You knew from the start I wasn't suppose to be a part of this new journey. I just wish you had told me sooner. 

I believed in us. Every moment, every date--I believed in the long run.

I fell in-love with you in the summer of 2012. If only I knew what it felt like to be loved back.

70's girl.

This dress makes me feel like I should have been born in the 70's.

The quirks of you & me--

1. You make me laugh more than anyone ever has.

2. We have made the word "punk" to be an endearing word. 

3. You have become my best friend.

{this lovely thrifted vintage chair is the newest addition to my room. It holds so much history, I can only imagine the lives it has seen & the many babies that have been rocked to sleep in it before it became my beautiful gem.}

Everything tastes better in a mug this exquisite.

Finally found a case to hold all my records & the best part...it was thrifted for only $3. 

Rockin' some very ugly sunglasses.

Taking in God's beauty right after a rainstorm.

My nephew--future guitar player.

Southport, NC--the town that captured my heart. Finally found myself a bike with a basket.

Red hair, messy bun & curls.

The best siblings i could ever ask for &&, nephew.