Stay curious, little one.

I bought my first item for my newest niece or nephew...but, in reality I'm rooting for a nephew.
Christmas Eve of 2015 Bubs & Becca announced baby #3- It came as quite the shock to us all, because Becca gave no signs of being about 11 weeks pregnant! As the cheers started & the tears flowed I realized that this little one will be just as loved & just as blessed as the first two are. It never gets old, finding out I'm going to be an Auntie again. The love I have for those kiddos is unreal.

& tonight as I am looking at this outfit & imagining what the coming year will hold, I think about the life Becca is carry right now...the little one that will soon join our family, come July. The life that God is, again, entrusting us with- How blessed are we?

Tonight I'm praying for you, little one. I'm praying that you'll have the curiosity of your big brother & the gentleness of your big sister, but that you'll also show us a love that has yet to touch any of us, because it's in you that we will see a desire be fulfilled...A desire for either Liam to know what it's like to have a little brother, because his daddy never got that, or if you surprise me & come out a girl, you'll give Canaan someone to play baby dolls with. Whoever you may be, never stop being curious.

Let your imagination run wild & free. Let Liam build you forts & dress you up in army gear, even if you come out a girl, let him do it anyways- It's what our brother did & Liam is his DNA. Let your tender side show & never & I mean never, stop asking to hold my hand...it melts my heart every single time your brother & sister ask.

If you ever need an Auntie's advice or shoulder to cry on, you've got four, we're ALWAYS here. Even if miles separate us or we begin to have families of our own, we're only a phone call away...Or an ice cream date, whichever you prefer. Aunties have the best jobs, we can spoil you to no end & it's ok- it's in our job description.

{Remember to love on your siblings each & every moment you can, because they will be your biggest cheerleaders throughout your life & sometimes your only friends.}

Never get too old to give your parents hugs & thank them for everything. Your Momma is incredible- not only is she caring for you in the most tender way possible right now, she will continue to put you & your siblings above herself for at least the next 18 years. Her love for you runs deep....never forget to thank her every so often. & your dad, he's the provider. He's one of the most hard working men I've ever come across, apart from your Popi (my daddy)...work beside your dad as much as you can, learn from him & appreciate all he does for your family.

I've yet to hold you in my arms & see all your tiny features or notice if you have any birth marks, but, darling, I love you already. The Kessie tribe is counting down the days till we can hold you.

Stay curious little one, always.

-Auntie.

He was finally yours to keep.

It was one of the most vivid dreams I’ve had in a long time & it felt so real.
I remember crying, uncontrollable tears…& when you came up to me, I told you they were nothing but happy tears & that was true. You two are meant for each other, at least in the dream you were, but in my opinion you are in real life, as well.

It was the day…The day he would put a ring on it.

A friend of his asked him “When are you going to propose to her?”
His response: “I’m just waiting for the ok from God.”

Fast forward a few weeks:
It was time. He felt it in every bone in his body…So, He asked you to go on a date with him & as you two are walking he says,
 “I think it’s time we become husband & wife”

As I’m watching all of this play out from afar, all I see are smiles cascading from your face…It was your time. After all the prayer & waiting on God, he was asking you those four words you’ve waited years to hear.

“Will you Marry me?”

Fast forward to that evening:
We are getting dressed up to go out & you are walking to your side of the car & he tells you to wait & opens the door & says, “My Lady…”
& as he is walking to his side, I ask you inside the car:
“He’s been waiting a long time to play this role for you, hasn’t he?”
& you just smiled. It was then that I knew you had a keeper.

———————————
If I could make this your reality for you, dear, I would.
There is a reason though, that God is the best storyteller.

Wait on Him…Wait just a little bit longer.

6:00am mornings.

{My day has consisted of these little feet keeping me very busy.}

Today I have questioned if I really want children & feeling all the more discouraged thinking I'm not equipped for the job of parenting. Also, grateful for the fact of my singleness & knowing that at the end of today I get to leave & go to the quietness of my own home, where only my dog makes the occasional noise. 

Today, I've been challenged to my inner core. I've prayed for patience more times than once & in return, God has granted it for me. Will I ever be ready to devote my time to a little human being, such as this one? My mom has always told me that it's different when they are your own. Your own DNA. When you've carried them for 9 months & created that bond. I fully believe that- so, maybe I am ready?

I do feel like this is a learning period for me. A time to love on the littles in my life, so when God decides to bless me with a husband (& then children), I'll be ready.

I shall go & love on the little a bit more.

You are loved, so deeply.

Death is such a hard thing to understand, even for an adult. To try & grasp why God would take a mother from two beautiful little girls & a husband that needs her, is definitely hard to understand.

Yesterday I felt pain like I've never felt before- some would call it grieving. I found myself weeping on my kitchen floor, crying out to God, begging Him to not take her. I was believing & praying for a miracle & yet it didn't come. Maybe it was just her time to be called home, but, why?

She now has two little girls that won't grow up having a momma to braid their hair, or have random dance parties with, or help them get ready for their first school dance or their wedding day & every moment in between that a daughter simply needs a mother for, but that Josh will now have to try his hardest to fill.

Stephanie was a childhood friend, she was closer to my older sisters, but has been in our lives since I was about 5 or 6 years old...Our worlds drifted apart, she got married, I moved away, but social media kept us close, I got to see her have seven wonderful years of marriage & in that time bring two beautiful daughters into this world.

Josh now has to take on the role of Momma & Daddy & even though it will be hard for quite some time, he will do great, because even though we can't see her, Stephanie will be there right beside him, helping him along in this journey.

Stephanie's time was cut short here on Earth, she only got twenty-six years to impact people's lives, but we get to rejoice in the fact that she is now in the place we can only dream of right now. She knows the face of our Creator- she's seen her name in the lamb's book of life & has been welcomed into the throne room of God. She's held the hand of the Man that made this entire world- the Man that formed her in her mother's womb.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jeremiah 1:5

Most of all, she is now reunited with her older sister, Priscilla- Oh what a great reunion that must have been!

Yesterday when I heard the news that she had passed on, my first thoughts were- "how can this be God's plan? Why didn't He perform a miracle?" I'm not angry at God, but I did find myself blaming Him & that's not fair. But, it's our initial thought, isn't it? & I know that's not what Stephanie wanted- No one is to blame for this, it was her time. None of us can understand why, but it's through God that we need to seek comfort. We need to cling to Him in the time of grieving & mourning.

Stephanie won't be soon forgotten, her life lives on in her daughters, Tiffany & Bailey.
What a great legacy to leave behind.

Her brother posted this verse today-
Matthew 5:4 "God blesses those who mourn."

You are loved, Stephanie.

-Hannah

Murfreesboro life.

When I moved here on August 29th, I didn't think that on November 3rd I'd still be jobless...but, I am. I've realized that in the last few months of floating from job to job with nannying & traveling back to Crossville for work, that God has different plans for me. He has shown me beautiful sunsets & sunrises & I've experienced more talks with Him in my morning car rides, than I feel like I have in my whole 20 years of existence.

This 'floating' feeling is freeing, but also terrifying.

I've learned to trust God on a whole new level & I love that.

When anyone would ask me why I've decided to move to Murfreesboro, I'd have two answers for them--
1. -To find my relationship with God again & fall in-love with a church.
2. -To be close to my sisters. They all live over here (except for Becca) & it was hard being so far away from them. I knew my heart was being left here every time I went home (to Crossville) after a weekend. I knew I was being called to the beautiful hills of Murfreesboro, TN.

I feel like the majority of us go day by day without even having a conversation with God & I'll be the first to admit that, because in the last three years, I've had no desire to go to church or even find God in my day to day life. I drifted so far away from Him, that I knew the only way to find Him again, was to move to where I feel Him the most. & let me tell you, I feel like moving here was the bravest decision I've ever made. I lived in the comforts of momma & daddy since my momma birthed me & believe me, there are still days I wake up & wonder if this is real...did I truly 'fly the coop'? did I really pack up my life in Crossville & move to a town where I know no one other than my sisters?

The thing is, I did. I moved here & now I'm going to job interviews & feeling rejection, but also feeling God's hand on me, telling me that He has BIG plans for me. & with each day that passes, I'm learning to trust Him more & more.

He says in 1st Corinthians 10:13-
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

God is faithful & He will not give me more than I can bare...But, with that I have to put my full trust in Him. You have to put your full trust in Him.

In the past 66 days, I've traveled to Crossville more times than I can count--put way too many miles on my car & met some lovely people in the mix of it all. I've traveled to Nashville before the sun was even getting ready to rise & ended my day way after it set, these are the moments though where God is allowing me to be free. I've had the opportunity to explore & see all of God's creation in all the free time God's given me & cleaned our tiny apartment more times than it needed.

This town has so many possibilities for me--It holds new beginnings, a new found relationship with my Daddy God, & a year rooming with my best friend. That is a blessing in itself. Moriah is my confidant, my sounding board, coffee date, & my 'go to' person. I truly adore our relationship & bond.

Writing this post has shown me just how many wonderful things God has done for me in just a short amount of time & it's truly refreshing. I love how God knows just what is best for you, even when you feel like you're completely lost. He is forever knowing. 

always.
Grace.

Family.

Tonight I saw it all flash before me.

I was sitting on the couch while my family was gathered around & as I was making my niece giggle, I realized I only have a few short moments of these left. Yes, I have a lifetime of moments, but of these 'come as you may, living under your parents roof' moments, I only have a handful left.

September 1st 2014, I'm finally placing my feet elsewhere. Yes, I know, I've said this so many times before, I've even penned it in journals, but this time...this time, it's for real. The apartment has been found & the lease has been signed. There's no turning back. & there's no desire to turn back....except for these moments that I will be leaving behind. The giggles coming from my niece & nephew. The thrifting days with my sister-in-love. The daily grind & familiar feeling of driving down our back roads to pull into the place I've called home for 13+ years.

It's definitely bittersweet.

Penelope & I will be packing up our belongings & saying goodbye to the familiarity of Momma & Daddy. The comforts of home will be left in the shadows as I make a new home for myself & my pup. I didn't do the 'typical' thing when I graduated high school...I stayed home & managed a house cleaning business, but it was within these last two years that I truly figured out the things I didn't want & the things I absolutely wanted. & with that, I feel like I'm better off than half of the people that went to college straight out of high school.

I needed these last two years, I needed to find the comfort & support that I had been searching for, within my parents. I needed to experience the giddiness of Penelope. I needed to find myself again & I needed to finally be in that place where I, alone, without anyone pressuring me, wanted to move out & find a new home.

It was tonight that I became sad though. Because, as I was sitting on the couch, I watched as the whole room went silent when giggles erupted from Canaan's mouth in my attempt to make her giggle. & it was at the moment that I realized just how truly blessed I am.

Yes, things will be changing within the next few months, but if things never changed, Becca wouldn't be in our lives & neither would Liam or Canaan. & life without any of them, well it simply wouldn't be complete.

It's finally my chance. My moment to make a name for myself. I'm growing up & moving out & that's an exciting feeling. I feel like for years I was always something for someone & in that time I lost myself, without even knowing it, I truly did. I'm ready to search out that girl again & find out what makes her giddy, I want to find out where this path may lead & who may enter it. 

I'll always be a small town girl, I grew up in this town...so many memories are held within the streets & places of this town. Friends that have come & went, welcoming a sister-in-love into the family, the arrival of my nephew & niece & the nightly routine of my parents. So many of these memories aren't able to be captured on film or written about in journals, but that doesn't mean they're forgotten, some of the best moments are the ones you can only stow away in your heart. 

Look out Nashville, Penelope & I are coming for you! 

---grace.

Canaan Joy.

                                                   {Miss. Canaan Joy.}
                                                         Born April 15th 2014
                                                            7lbs 5oz 20 3/4 inches long.

                  It may appear that I am the momma, but I'm just the auntie.
                                       One very proud auntie.

She is one of her big brother's favorite words...."tiny." & that she is, but the fact that God entrusted us with her, is such a blessing.

{Her life will be full, her life will be blessed.}