Our story.

   
I'd just like to brag on this man for a second & the beautiful story God is entrusting us with.
  pda & social media isn't my thing when it comes to my relationship. It's our story. Mine & his.

  Some days though, I feel I need to branch out & share it. Give people a glimpse into what is waiting for you when you allow God the pen to your story. When you trust HIM fully, beautiful things happen.

   I met Trevor 3 years ago in a Bible Study my sister & I hosted in our apartment in Murfreesboro. I was instantly smitten. Everyone close to me knew how I felt about him....except him. I made sure of that.
 
  In my family the book "Hero" (by: Fred Stoeker) is a very well known book. Any man that wants to date a Kessie daughter has to read that first. It's also a book all us of girls have read. It describes my heart so well. I've known since reading that book that I was holding out for a man worthy of the title "Hero". I strived to have a heart like Rose. To have my heart so hidden in Jesus that he'd have to deeply pursue Jesus to get to me. Every week that passed for Bible Study & Trevor would walk through my door, I would repeat over & over in my head: "have a heart like Rose. Don't let him have any inkling that you like him." --for the entire time he attended Bible Study I did just that. I was a friend to him. Nothing more. In that same year I watched him get into a relationship & then move out of my state.

  I saw that as God closing that door to there ever being an "us". I was ok with that, because I trusted God with my story. Over the course of the last two years, he's crossed my mind every so often. Never did I reach out because I promised God, myself & my family that I would be pursued in my next relationship. I would allow him to lead us.

  {On February 14th 2017 God said to me in a dream: "this is your year, Hannah Grace."}

  April 11th 2017 I received a message from him. --instantly all those feelings came back. I continued to hide my heart & gave him over to God. I have prayed time & time again over him, me & us.
 
On May 21st we took 39 days of silence- we both heard confirmation from God that it was needed. He was asking for some alone time with us. He was asking us to Fully trust Him with each other. It would require us to rely on God during those hard days, instead of reaching out & seeking comfort in one another.
 
I said goodbye to Trevor once again on May 21st. It was one of the hardest, yet easiest things I've ever done, because we were both in agreement that this is what God wanted. We trusted Him enough to put Him above our desire for one another.
   
June 29th 2017, Trevor lead us in the direction of a relationship & with that came Facetime calls until 3am most mornings.
{He has pursued me, daily. He has lead us, daily.}

  July 15th he headed for Tennessee soil. He met with my dad first thing to get his permission to date me & I quote from him; "because I didn't want to see you for the first time in 2.5 years until I had your dad's permission." This man is everything I've ever prayed for.

October 1st 2017: He moved his belongings to Tennessee soil again. Our twelve hour drive to one another turned into twenty minutes across town. He moved for us.  

My family doesn't do the "typical relationship", I get it. We get judged & made fun of for our boundaries & standards. I've been told countless times that my standards are too high. Guess what? Trevor has met every single one of those standards & surpassed them too.

  My parents have always taught us to date with a purpose. Set your boundaries for your future relationship long before you ever get in one, because once you're in one, all those emotions are running wild & it's extremely difficult to think straight on what boundaries you truly want.

  I made my list long before Trevor. My boundaries weren't normal. I raised the bar high for my next relationship because I knew I wanted to make it to the altar completely pure. --during our 39 days the one thing that weighed heaviest on my heart was: "no kissing until my wedding day". I knew it was far fetched, but I stood firm in it. I prayed to God that it would be Trevor's too. I never allowed him to know that was my desire. I knew I needed to hear it from his mouth first, because then I would know it wasn't just his desire because it was my desire. July 8th he spoke those words to me. I knew then God was writing something spectacular.

  On December 23rd 2017 Trevor purposed in the most romantic way. Lakeshore Park. Surrounded by family, as rose petals lined the grass. I couldn't say yes fast enough when he dropped to one knee. Some may say our proposal came fast, but as my mom always said to us growing up, 'when you know, you know.' We set out in the very beginning to break generational curses. To break the 'norm' & not allow Satan any loop holes into our children's future. Every single time we have set another boundary in place, we've had our children in mind. The choices we make now, effect our children & our grand babies & their futures.

This man is the definition of a Hero. Someone I'm proud to call mine. Someone I'm so grateful I prayed over & held out for. Our journey hasn't been easy. We've faced our challenges, but one thing we've always remained doing is, doing it together. Taking everything before God, together. We are a unit.

Trevor & I have strong boundaries. - - We're never alone in a home together, we have never kissed on the lips & won't until Our Wedding Day. We've asked our family to hold us accountable to our boundaries. We've made Christ the center of our relationship & make prayer a part of our daily life.

Here we are: 40 days away from saying "I do".  40 days until I hold the title of Mrs. Broaddus for the rest of our days & we can begin Our forever.

  Girls: hold out. Don't conform to the world's standards. Or the lack of boundaries this world has to offer. Stand firm in holding out for a hero. He's coming.

I love you, Trev.

His Hands.

  Today as I held onto his hand & yours while we prayed, I saw him cry. Whether it was because he is sending off two of his daughters to Italy for two weeks or because he was holding onto his youngest daughter’s hand, as she held the hand of the man she’ll someday call her husband.

  {I found myself in the middle of two very strong hands.}
 
My father’s hands: the hands that held me when I let out my first cry when he delivered me. Hands that carried the tininess of his children to bed every night. The hands that have held the hand of his bride for 34 years. They are the hands that work tirelessly, day in & day out to be able to provide for his family. These are the hands I’ve held onto for 23 years.
 
  Then there’s his hands: the hands that have gently held mine since July twentieth. When I catch a glimpse of his hands I see the strength in them. Those same hands will someday place a ring on my left hand, never to be taken off. They are the hands that become black & dirty because of car repairs & manly work, yet they are gentle enough to someday carry me over the threshold of our first home together. The hands that will someday hold our children for the first time, right after they’re welcomed into this world.
 
  Today I stood between the two most important men in my life. I held onto both of their hands for as long as I could & as I did I felt the urge to comfort my father, yet cling to my future groom as well.
 
  Here I am, twenty-three years old & I know his face. I know that the dimples in his cheeks appear when I walk into his view. I know his laugh & how it gets louder when he makes me laugh. I know that he prefers silence & cuddles in the car when we drive. I know the name of the man that will someday hold the title of my husband.
 
  It’s no longer hidden or only heard in dreams. He’s my reality. He’s my person & best friend.
 
{He’s the man of my prayers.}
 
Hannah grace.

Favorite things.

Tonight as I was doing my devotionals one thing they suggested was to make a list of the things that make you the happiest & to focus on that. To leave the 'bad things' of the day behind & focus on the good. So, as I was writing my list in my journal just now, I decided to share it here too. Be vulnerable, right?
------------------------------------------------
1. Bean, Boo & Bear. Those are the nicknames for my two nephews & niece. Everything about them brings me joy. 

2. Penelope Aspen. My pup. My cuddle bug. My alarm clock most mornings. My 8 pound bundle of curls. 

3. Coffee. 

4. worship music. Worship sessions with God are one of my favorite parts of the day.

5. conversations in the car with God. 

6. letters in the mail, or in general. 

7. the bond I share with my sisters. Each & every one of them I have a personal relationship with that I wouldn't change for anything. 

8.  naps while it's raining outside. 

9. the first snow fall of Winter.

10. road trips.

11. peppermint ice cream. 

12. Seeing something happen that only God would be capable of doing.

13. babies. 

14. Savannah, GA.

15. a day completely free of work.

16. sunrises. 

17. Christmas Eve.

18.  reading poetry.

19. watermelon season.

20.  the first signs of Fall in the air.

21. my parents. 

22.  New York City in every season.

23.  thrift stores. 

24. you.

 ------------
.the writer.

"This is your year, Grace."

 {God told me at the beginning of this year: "This is your year, Grace." I remember it so vividly. It was a dream where God revealed that to me. I instantly woke up & journaled about it. I didn't let that moment slip away. & ever since then, God has definitely been revealing to me that this IS my year. It's my year:
 To journal more. Travel. Mend broken friendships. Trust deeper. Blog again. Experience Rome, Italy. Allow God the pen to my story. Try new things. Read, a lot. Fall in-love with a church family again. Love deeper. Be vulnerable with my heart & feelings. Praise HIM, even in the storms of my life. Travel some more. I don't care where it is, just put me in a car or a plane & I'll be on my way. {Drink more coffee, cause a girl always needs her coffee.}

I don't want to look back on the year 2017 with any regrets. So, I will journal it all. Whether it's here or in the confines of my personal journal. I'll capture it all. I'll write with the rawest parts of me & hold nothing back. I'm learning to be more vulnerable. It's a challenge, because it's hard to allow people into my feelings, but this is a year of firsts. 

I have a feeling this will be the year I'll look back on years from now & say: "That's when it all changed." In the most beautiful way possible. 


 --> Read with caution, because I will be raw at times.
----------------
In the last year my life has taken some beautiful turns. I'm moved back to my original roots. Back to the place I called home for 15 years before I moved in 2014. God called me back. I told Him not long before He called me back: "I never want to move back home. It'll feel too backwards to me." NEVER say never to God. He takes that as in invitation, basically.
----------------
God has challenged me to my inner core since moving back home. I've fallen in-love with a beautiful church & rekindled a friendship that was lost years ago with two friends I've known since I was born. Our families have always been entangled, but seasons passed & we disconnected. God has brought us back together in 2017 & I couldn't be happier. We challenge each other in our Faith & lift each other up. I'm definitely blessed by them.

{I've become addicted to coffee. It's bad. Recently I was introduced to Iced Coffee & I'm officially hooked. Try it. It'll change your life.}

I AM GOING TO ITALY. October 2017. I will walk the streets of Rome with a coffee in one hand & a journal in the other. Fair warning--I may never return to the states. Kidding, kinda.

I've come to love my middle name so much. I feel like Grace describes me & my personality better than Hannah ever has. So, If I begin introducing myself as Grace, you'll know why. 

I love the mornings where I'm the only one awake in the house. Just me, Peep & God. I just experienced that yesterday{Saturday} & loved it. The quietness where you feel like God is sitting right next to you, enjoying His own cup of coffee. 

I gained another brother in February. My sister got married to the loveliest boy. Their marriage is beautiful & I'm blessed to be able to look to them for advice & most importantly, prayer. They are constantly my sounding board & neither one of us would have it any other way.

God has reminded me time & time again that if I trust HIM, things always turn out better. He's brought some lovely people into my life because I've fully trusted Him with them. I'm in a season of trusting, fully. & personally, I love it. When you give God your problems & worries, your life is a lot less stressful.

Readers, give God your burdens. Even if they aren't burdens & it's something He's been asking for- Something you don't want to let go of, in fear that you'll never get it back. Trust Him. He knows what's best for you. He always has your best interest at heart. Give him or her over to God- Great things happen when we trust God.

"When we honor God, God honors us." 

I was told that a week ago & it has literally been repeating in my head everyday since then. God honors you when you are faithful to His wishes. His promises are beautiful. God would love to take you on a journey, if you'd just let Him take the lead. Let go & let God. 

Until next time, lovelies.

.grace. 

New Grounds.

My life has drastically changed in the course of a few days. As of September 1st I will no longer be a resident of Murfreesboro. I will be packing up my car & Penelope & driving back to my old roots. Something I never, truly never thought I would do. I thought this place would be my forever home & then it all changed.

My heart is being pulled back to familiar grounds. I’m going back to a job I never thought I would, but God is beginning to reveal to me that my time is up here. Two years. I got two years to be roommates with my sister & best friend. I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything in the world.
I learned what it meant to live on VERY little- I learned the true value of money & living paycheck to paycheck. I had fear take a hold of me as Penelope almost died about a year ago. I never truly rooted myself within this town- friends never became genuine, but sisters grew closer. I worked retail & let people take advantage of me, but then stood my ground & walked out their doors, never to return again.

When I was asked 2 years ago why I was choosing Murfreesboro as my next step, I would tell people: “I need to find my relationship with God again.”

I found Him. He has met me in my darkest hours. He has sat right beside me as I cried in my closet, on nights when I didn’t know what my purpose was in this town. He has NEVER ONCE failed me when it came to paying rent, bills, ect. I made it on my own- barely, but I did. I’ve added thousands of miles onto my car, watched more sunrises then I can count as I drove home to Crossville for work & grown in my spiritual walk.

If that’s the only thing I take away from the last two years: then I consider myself blessed. It’s what I came to this city for & I’m leaving with so much more then I asked for.

I have no idea what’s in store in the coming months, but I am prepared to take on whatever it is God has for me.

I do know that travel will be apart of it- whether it’s near or far, I want to explore everywhere around me. My sister & I want to explore this beauty God created. We want to continue seeing sunrises & sunsets.

I can guarantee I won’t be rooted for long, that’s not a part of who I am.

Our day.

Momma,

  Twenty-two years ago to this hour, you were in labor with me. You & dad were about to welcome your fifth child into this world. I would soon become your 'hardest' child, because, a tooth would be discovered in my mouth right after delivery & I would grace you with a colic for the first six months of my life.

  I would be the last child you ever carried to term, with the miscarriage that happened in 2000 being the last child you ever conceived. I'll always hold the title of your 'baby girl.'

  Dad would soon surprise you with having a song dedicated to you on the radio, right after I was born.

  While he played that song for us tonight- 22 years later, your eyes filled up with tears & you looked at the man that held your hand during delivery & has continued to hold your hand every day since. Through the days of trail & days of success- he's been the man you've looked to. He chose you & you chose him 33 years ago & you've never looked back since.

  Josiah would not get his wish of having a younger brother, once again- & would soon decide that dressing us up in army gear would have to do. He'd take on the role of protector for his four sisters from the start & carry that throughout his life. 22 years later though, he would break the 'trend' & allow Liam a little brother to play with.
---------------------------------------------

  Today, we celebrate you, Momma. You gave me life. This day is just as special for me, as it is for you. You cared for me & nurtured me for 9 long months. You thought about me before yourself & still do to this day. You hold the title of 'momma' with grace & tenderness.

  I celebrate this day- my birthday, because you & dad chose to allow God to give you as many children as He saw fit. Thank you for choosing life. So many babies are denied even a chance at life...a chance at becoming who God has destined them to be.

  I only know from stories what that day was like for you & dad- & the four siblings that awaited me at home. I do know though, that from the moment a little girl with a full head of dark hair & a chubby belly was welcomed into this world, I've been loved. & I've been loved deeply.

  Thank you for the long sleepless nights & for all the 'messy' adventures that I brought into your life. Thank you for giving me siblings, which I would soon find out would be my best & truest friends throughout the years. Thank you for the years of homeschooling, driving lessons & teaching me what it meant to be a Godly women.

  This day truly should be your day. I will forever share this day with you.


.Your Gracie girl.

Song- "Beautiful In My Eyes" By: Joshua Kadison

Saturdays.

  Here I sit on one of the prettiest saturday evenings I’ve seen in a very long time & yet I have no plans. I will sit on this porch until the sun sets & then I’ll go inside, finish the laundry that is currently spinning in the washer, make a pot of coffee & finish out my evening with some poetry reading.

  I sound like I’m 80 years old, I know. This is my definition of a Saturday evening though. I’ve never been that girl that hits up the clubs or bars on the weekends or anytime for that matter. I’ve tasted wine twice & both times it burned the entire time it went down.

  I love nights in- movies, coffee, Penelope cuddles, human cuddles, sister talks, evenings spent having conversations with God.
 
 I was recently asked- “where do you see yourself in 2 years?”

  Honestly, I don’t know. I’d like to say I’ll be married & (possibly) a kiddo on the way. Or maybe I’ll be traveling the world with my man by my side, all the while living in a traveling “tiny house”. Whatever it may be, I’ll be happy & blessed.

  If I’m still apartment living with my pup & sister, I’ll be ok too. I’m learning to be happy in each season God gives me & to not rush things. As much as I want to some days, I need to enjoy the here, the now. //we can never get this time, this moment back. Enjoy it, savor it. 

  So, tonight I will sit on this porch with Penelope & thank God for this beautiful day & also thank Him for the future, because even though I don’t see it right now or can even comprehend what it may hold- I know God has something exquisite planned out for me.
 
 Tonight, I thank Him.

Dad.

  You chased away the monsters. You cradled me to try & stop the tears. You prayed over me countless times & still do. You held my tiny hand as we crossed the street & you taught me the value of working for your money. You’ve stood beside Momma & raised five children & now you’re reaping the rewards of grandchildren.

  Bernard, Miss Rosie & Joey will always be my childhood. You brought imagination to a whole new level when it came to your children & making sure our younger years were remembered. You brought stories to life.

  You’ve held the same hand for 33 years & still look at her like it’s the 1st year of marriage. With that same hand, you’ve prayed over our spouses & allowed us to be patient & hold out for the very best. You’ve set the bar high, Daddy.

  Thank you for allowing your children to work beside you & for every early Saturday morning breakfast at Krystal’s as we headed off to work. Thank you for the time spent investing in your children’s lives, instead of just investing in your job.

  Thank you for being here.


.Your youngest.

Home.

  Tonight you sat there & allowed my heart to spill open. You played the role you've been waiting years to play. The role of a momma that is seeing her daughter's future lie before her. You allowed me to admit my past & the mistakes I made & there wasn't a hint of judgement in your eyes. Brokenness was expressed & tears flowed..& a past was talked about that seems like ages ago, but truths needed to be brought to light. You allowed me that sounding board I needed.

  You welcomed a future that I never imagined I would have, but, that God is opening up the possibility to. He's preparing my heart for what's to come & tonight I just needed my momma & that's exactly what you were to me.

  Home to me will always be you & daddy. always. No matter where life takes us or how many houses we move in & out of, that's not home. The two of you are home to me. The smell of your fresh laundry. The nightly foot rubs. Daddy's smile. Kessie laughter. Our family's second language- tears. {Happy or sad.} The smile that brushes across my face when I know I'm within a few short miles of home....This is home to me.

  Tonight I told you I wanted you to be apart of this journey & you told me that most kids don't want their parents input, but I'm not like most kids. I need your wisdom & counsel. I need you to stand by me & possibly welcome this lovely boy into our world.

  I want to do it right this time...There will be mistakes along the way, but nothing that can't be fixed with an 'I'm sorry'.

  This time it's different. --This time it's a story for the books.

  Thank you for your love.
-Gracie.

The aches of a writer.

I'm aching to write these days. It used to come frequently & then one day it just stopped. Without permission, my words failed. They drifted away with no promise of a return date. 

Until recently... Creativity & inspiration has been everywhere. I don't want to do anything other than write. I want to cancel plans & quit working. I just want to let my mind wander & drift, with a pen in hand.

I don't know what's creating this desire, but I shall not complain. I will write into the wee hours of the morning & explore the places that bring inspiration. I will leave my bed unkept & windows open, allowing the sun rays to creep their way into my room. I will allow Penelope cuddles to consume my days. I will embrace the freedom 2016 is giving me. I will become a better version of myself. I will travel. I will be vulenerable with my words, holding nothing back. 

Maybe it's him. Maybe he's bringing about this desire in me. Because, I don't want to forget this season of my life. This journey of us. The year 2016. The ebb & flow of what this year is going to bring. I want to not only capture it through photos, but I want to remember it through my words. I want to relive the year 2016, ten years from now. 

Being a writer is the greatest gift God ever gave to me & I won't take it for granted anymore. 

If anyone needs me, I'll be ignoring the responsibility of life & journaling under the willow tree. Find me there, darling.

Oliver.

  Today I gave in my notice. I let go of the one steady job I have here in my town, in hopes that God will supply something better. Something I enjoy doing. I don’t enjoy this. I dread Tuesdays & Thursdays.

  Today though, I felt a love for you that was close to what I feel for my niece & nephew. I embraced your hugs & laughter. I knew that my time with you was coming to a close. I’ve watched you grow up in the last year. You started out so small & fragile. Helpless. Now, we can’t keep track of you.

  I will miss our days.

  I will miss the acceptance your parents have shown towards me. I will miss the look you give me when you see me walk into the room, because you know my face now. You’ve grown accustomed to my face.

  You are loved, little one. & I’m grateful that I could be apart of your 1st year of life.

Grace, Grace.

                                             {My room. My safe haven.}
This is the place that God has met me amidst my tears more times than I can count.
  Just this morning, as the tears flowed, He was there. Holding me & wiping them away.

{My room has become that place for me where memories have been made.}
.fights & make-ups between sisters.
.sleepovers with the niece & nephew.
.skype dates.
.2am conversations with God.
.Penelope kisses&cuddles.
.prayer.
.art making.
.laughter.
.momma cuddles &foot rubs.
.words have been met with actions.
.closet shelving falling on me twice since moving in.
.my world being rocked early one morning with Penelope almost dying.
.worship sessions with my Daddy God.
.letters written.
.promises made.
.trust re-birthed.
------------------------------
I am Grace. Actually I'm Grace, Grace. Because, Hannah means Grace. -I was a tough baby. So, my parents ultimately needed double Grace with me. // I am a combination of everything listed above. I over-think things. I trust deeply. I adore the thought of love. I've felt the pain of deep loss within the last year. I've held my family a little bit closer because of it. && I wholeheartedly love the two tiniest humans in my world...soon to be 3 tiny humans, come July of this year.

I love fried pickles & the smell of fresh laundry. // I would travel to Italy tomorrow if the funds were available...my heart has been yearning for that place for years. Someday my feet will walk the streets of Rome & capture it's beauty within the confines of my journal.

I have my momma's smile & my daddy's chin. I am a combination of them both. I hold their DNA & couldn't be more proud to stand as their daughter. //I am also a daughter of the King.

I love going to sleep to the sound of cars driving by & Penelope cuddled up right next to me. //Penelope Aspen has enchanted my world for almost 3 years. She goes anywhere I go & knows that I hold the role of her momma. I became a mother at the age of 19.....to a pup.

My feet have been planted in the beautiful city of Murfreesboro for a year & a half, but I don't feel like this is where my story ends. -This is only the beginning.

I love spontaneous trips into Nashville & the first feeling of Spring outside.

I collect books. I say that because, it's always my intention to read them, but rarely do I read a book, front to back cover. I start, but never finish. //I thrift floral bed sheets & groovy green...anything. I'm a business owner & lover of travel. //I love watermelon season & the color Turquoise.

{I believe in the broken & in the power of Prayer.}



.the writer.

Spring days.

                                                   {Today, Spring was present in the air.}
The clouds & thunder tried to take over at one point, but God was insistent on His presence being known today...So, I got out & soaked up His beauty & with that came the Sun.

Oh, what a glorious day today was (& still is!)

As I sit here on my bed & feel the breeze from my open window. I watch as Penelope sleeps beside me & dreams of chasing squirrels I imagine, as her paws twitch every few seconds.

 I am reminded of one thing-
 God truly blessed me today. 


.his daughter.

Stay curious, little one.

I bought my first item for my newest niece or nephew...but, in reality I'm rooting for a nephew.
Christmas Eve of 2015 Bubs & Becca announced baby #3- It came as quite the shock to us all, because Becca gave no signs of being about 11 weeks pregnant! As the cheers started & the tears flowed I realized that this little one will be just as loved & just as blessed as the first two are. It never gets old, finding out I'm going to be an Auntie again. The love I have for those kiddos is unreal.

& tonight as I am looking at this outfit & imagining what the coming year will hold, I think about the life Becca is carry right now...the little one that will soon join our family, come July. The life that God is, again, entrusting us with- How blessed are we?

Tonight I'm praying for you, little one. I'm praying that you'll have the curiosity of your big brother & the gentleness of your big sister, but that you'll also show us a love that has yet to touch any of us, because it's in you that we will see a desire be fulfilled...A desire for either Liam to know what it's like to have a little brother, because his daddy never got that, or if you surprise me & come out a girl, you'll give Canaan someone to play baby dolls with. Whoever you may be, never stop being curious.

Let your imagination run wild & free. Let Liam build you forts & dress you up in army gear, even if you come out a girl, let him do it anyways- It's what our brother did & Liam is his DNA. Let your tender side show & never & I mean never, stop asking to hold my hand...it melts my heart every single time your brother & sister ask.

If you ever need an Auntie's advice or shoulder to cry on, you've got four, we're ALWAYS here. Even if miles separate us or we begin to have families of our own, we're only a phone call away...Or an ice cream date, whichever you prefer. Aunties have the best jobs, we can spoil you to no end & it's ok- it's in our job description.

{Remember to love on your siblings each & every moment you can, because they will be your biggest cheerleaders throughout your life & sometimes your only friends.}

Never get too old to give your parents hugs & thank them for everything. Your Momma is incredible- not only is she caring for you in the most tender way possible right now, she will continue to put you & your siblings above herself for at least the next 18 years. Her love for you runs deep....never forget to thank her every so often. & your dad, he's the provider. He's one of the most hard working men I've ever come across, apart from your Popi (my daddy)...work beside your dad as much as you can, learn from him & appreciate all he does for your family.

I've yet to hold you in my arms & see all your tiny features or notice if you have any birth marks, but, darling, I love you already. The Kessie tribe is counting down the days till we can hold you.

Stay curious little one, always.

-Auntie.

He was finally yours to keep.

It was one of the most vivid dreams I’ve had in a long time & it felt so real.
I remember crying, uncontrollable tears…& when you came up to me, I told you they were nothing but happy tears & that was true. You two are meant for each other, at least in the dream you were, but in my opinion you are in real life, as well.

It was the day…The day he would put a ring on it.

A friend of his asked him “When are you going to propose to her?”
His response: “I’m just waiting for the ok from God.”

Fast forward a few weeks:
It was time. He felt it in every bone in his body…So, He asked you to go on a date with him & as you two are walking he says,
 “I think it’s time we become husband & wife”

As I’m watching all of this play out from afar, all I see are smiles cascading from your face…It was your time. After all the prayer & waiting on God, he was asking you those four words you’ve waited years to hear.

“Will you Marry me?”

Fast forward to that evening:
We are getting dressed up to go out & you are walking to your side of the car & he tells you to wait & opens the door & says, “My Lady…”
& as he is walking to his side, I ask you inside the car:
“He’s been waiting a long time to play this role for you, hasn’t he?”
& you just smiled. It was then that I knew you had a keeper.

———————————
If I could make this your reality for you, dear, I would.
There is a reason though, that God is the best storyteller.

Wait on Him…Wait just a little bit longer.

6:00am mornings.

{My day has consisted of these little feet keeping me very busy.}

Today I have questioned if I really want children & feeling all the more discouraged thinking I'm not equipped for the job of parenting. Also, grateful for the fact of my singleness & knowing that at the end of today I get to leave & go to the quietness of my own home, where only my dog makes the occasional noise. 

Today, I've been challenged to my inner core. I've prayed for patience more times than once & in return, God has granted it for me. Will I ever be ready to devote my time to a little human being, such as this one? My mom has always told me that it's different when they are your own. Your own DNA. When you've carried them for 9 months & created that bond. I fully believe that- so, maybe I am ready?

I do feel like this is a learning period for me. A time to love on the littles in my life, so when God decides to bless me with a husband (& then children), I'll be ready.

I shall go & love on the little a bit more.

You are loved, so deeply.

Death is such a hard thing to understand, even for an adult. To try & grasp why God would take a mother from two beautiful little girls & a husband that needs her, is definitely hard to understand.

Yesterday I felt pain like I've never felt before- some would call it grieving. I found myself weeping on my kitchen floor, crying out to God, begging Him to not take her. I was believing & praying for a miracle & yet it didn't come. Maybe it was just her time to be called home, but, why?

She now has two little girls that won't grow up having a momma to braid their hair, or have random dance parties with, or help them get ready for their first school dance or their wedding day & every moment in between that a daughter simply needs a mother for, but that Josh will now have to try his hardest to fill.

Stephanie was a childhood friend, she was closer to my older sisters, but has been in our lives since I was about 5 or 6 years old...Our worlds drifted apart, she got married, I moved away, but social media kept us close, I got to see her have seven wonderful years of marriage & in that time bring two beautiful daughters into this world.

Josh now has to take on the role of Momma & Daddy & even though it will be hard for quite some time, he will do great, because even though we can't see her, Stephanie will be there right beside him, helping him along in this journey.

Stephanie's time was cut short here on Earth, she only got twenty-six years to impact people's lives, but we get to rejoice in the fact that she is now in the place we can only dream of right now. She knows the face of our Creator- she's seen her name in the lamb's book of life & has been welcomed into the throne room of God. She's held the hand of the Man that made this entire world- the Man that formed her in her mother's womb.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jeremiah 1:5

Most of all, she is now reunited with her older sister, Priscilla- Oh what a great reunion that must have been!

Yesterday when I heard the news that she had passed on, my first thoughts were- "how can this be God's plan? Why didn't He perform a miracle?" I'm not angry at God, but I did find myself blaming Him & that's not fair. But, it's our initial thought, isn't it? & I know that's not what Stephanie wanted- No one is to blame for this, it was her time. None of us can understand why, but it's through God that we need to seek comfort. We need to cling to Him in the time of grieving & mourning.

Stephanie won't be soon forgotten, her life lives on in her daughters, Tiffany & Bailey.
What a great legacy to leave behind.

Her brother posted this verse today-
Matthew 5:4 "God blesses those who mourn."

You are loved, Stephanie.

-Hannah

Murfreesboro life.

When I moved here on August 29th, I didn't think that on November 3rd I'd still be jobless...but, I am. I've realized that in the last few months of floating from job to job with nannying & traveling back to Crossville for work, that God has different plans for me. He has shown me beautiful sunsets & sunrises & I've experienced more talks with Him in my morning car rides, than I feel like I have in my whole 20 years of existence.

This 'floating' feeling is freeing, but also terrifying.

I've learned to trust God on a whole new level & I love that.

When anyone would ask me why I've decided to move to Murfreesboro, I'd have two answers for them--
1. -To find my relationship with God again & fall in-love with a church.
2. -To be close to my sisters. They all live over here (except for Becca) & it was hard being so far away from them. I knew my heart was being left here every time I went home (to Crossville) after a weekend. I knew I was being called to the beautiful hills of Murfreesboro, TN.

I feel like the majority of us go day by day without even having a conversation with God & I'll be the first to admit that, because in the last three years, I've had no desire to go to church or even find God in my day to day life. I drifted so far away from Him, that I knew the only way to find Him again, was to move to where I feel Him the most. & let me tell you, I feel like moving here was the bravest decision I've ever made. I lived in the comforts of momma & daddy since my momma birthed me & believe me, there are still days I wake up & wonder if this is real...did I truly 'fly the coop'? did I really pack up my life in Crossville & move to a town where I know no one other than my sisters?

The thing is, I did. I moved here & now I'm going to job interviews & feeling rejection, but also feeling God's hand on me, telling me that He has BIG plans for me. & with each day that passes, I'm learning to trust Him more & more.

He says in 1st Corinthians 10:13-
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

God is faithful & He will not give me more than I can bare...But, with that I have to put my full trust in Him. You have to put your full trust in Him.

In the past 66 days, I've traveled to Crossville more times than I can count--put way too many miles on my car & met some lovely people in the mix of it all. I've traveled to Nashville before the sun was even getting ready to rise & ended my day way after it set, these are the moments though where God is allowing me to be free. I've had the opportunity to explore & see all of God's creation in all the free time God's given me & cleaned our tiny apartment more times than it needed.

This town has so many possibilities for me--It holds new beginnings, a new found relationship with my Daddy God, & a year rooming with my best friend. That is a blessing in itself. Moriah is my confidant, my sounding board, coffee date, & my 'go to' person. I truly adore our relationship & bond.

Writing this post has shown me just how many wonderful things God has done for me in just a short amount of time & it's truly refreshing. I love how God knows just what is best for you, even when you feel like you're completely lost. He is forever knowing. 

always.
Grace.

Family.

Tonight I saw it all flash before me.

I was sitting on the couch while my family was gathered around & as I was making my niece giggle, I realized I only have a few short moments of these left. Yes, I have a lifetime of moments, but of these 'come as you may, living under your parents roof' moments, I only have a handful left.

September 1st 2014, I'm finally placing my feet elsewhere. Yes, I know, I've said this so many times before, I've even penned it in journals, but this time...this time, it's for real. The apartment has been found & the lease has been signed. There's no turning back. & there's no desire to turn back....except for these moments that I will be leaving behind. The giggles coming from my niece & nephew. The thrifting days with my sister-in-love. The daily grind & familiar feeling of driving down our back roads to pull into the place I've called home for 13+ years.

It's definitely bittersweet.

Penelope & I will be packing up our belongings & saying goodbye to the familiarity of Momma & Daddy. The comforts of home will be left in the shadows as I make a new home for myself & my pup. I didn't do the 'typical' thing when I graduated high school...I stayed home & managed a house cleaning business, but it was within these last two years that I truly figured out the things I didn't want & the things I absolutely wanted. & with that, I feel like I'm better off than half of the people that went to college straight out of high school.

I needed these last two years, I needed to find the comfort & support that I had been searching for, within my parents. I needed to experience the giddiness of Penelope. I needed to find myself again & I needed to finally be in that place where I, alone, without anyone pressuring me, wanted to move out & find a new home.

It was tonight that I became sad though. Because, as I was sitting on the couch, I watched as the whole room went silent when giggles erupted from Canaan's mouth in my attempt to make her giggle. & it was at the moment that I realized just how truly blessed I am.

Yes, things will be changing within the next few months, but if things never changed, Becca wouldn't be in our lives & neither would Liam or Canaan. & life without any of them, well it simply wouldn't be complete.

It's finally my chance. My moment to make a name for myself. I'm growing up & moving out & that's an exciting feeling. I feel like for years I was always something for someone & in that time I lost myself, without even knowing it, I truly did. I'm ready to search out that girl again & find out what makes her giddy, I want to find out where this path may lead & who may enter it. 

I'll always be a small town girl, I grew up in this town...so many memories are held within the streets & places of this town. Friends that have come & went, welcoming a sister-in-love into the family, the arrival of my nephew & niece & the nightly routine of my parents. So many of these memories aren't able to be captured on film or written about in journals, but that doesn't mean they're forgotten, some of the best moments are the ones you can only stow away in your heart. 

Look out Nashville, Penelope & I are coming for you! 

---grace.

Canaan Joy.

                                                   {Miss. Canaan Joy.}
                                                         Born April 15th 2014
                                                            7lbs 5oz 20 3/4 inches long.

                  It may appear that I am the momma, but I'm just the auntie.
                                       One very proud auntie.

She is one of her big brother's favorite words...."tiny." & that she is, but the fact that God entrusted us with her, is such a blessing.

{Her life will be full, her life will be blessed.}