Murfreesboro life.

When I moved here on August 29th, I didn't think that on November 3rd I'd still be jobless...but, I am. I've realized that in the last few months of floating from job to job with nannying & traveling back to Crossville for work, that God has different plans for me. He has shown me beautiful sunsets & sunrises & I've experienced more talks with Him in my morning car rides, than I feel like I have in my whole 20 years of existence.

This 'floating' feeling is freeing, but also terrifying.

I've learned to trust God on a whole new level & I love that.

When anyone would ask me why I've decided to move to Murfreesboro, I'd have two answers for them--
1. -To find my relationship with God again & fall in-love with a church.
2. -To be close to my sisters. They all live over here (except for Becca) & it was hard being so far away from them. I knew my heart was being left here every time I went home (to Crossville) after a weekend. I knew I was being called to the beautiful hills of Murfreesboro, TN.

I feel like the majority of us go day by day without even having a conversation with God & I'll be the first to admit that, because in the last three years, I've had no desire to go to church or even find God in my day to day life. I drifted so far away from Him, that I knew the only way to find Him again, was to move to where I feel Him the most. & let me tell you, I feel like moving here was the bravest decision I've ever made. I lived in the comforts of momma & daddy since my momma birthed me & believe me, there are still days I wake up & wonder if this is real...did I truly 'fly the coop'? did I really pack up my life in Crossville & move to a town where I know no one other than my sisters?

The thing is, I did. I moved here & now I'm going to job interviews & feeling rejection, but also feeling God's hand on me, telling me that He has BIG plans for me. & with each day that passes, I'm learning to trust Him more & more.

He says in 1st Corinthians 10:13-
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

God is faithful & He will not give me more than I can bare...But, with that I have to put my full trust in Him. You have to put your full trust in Him.

In the past 66 days, I've traveled to Crossville more times than I can count--put way too many miles on my car & met some lovely people in the mix of it all. I've traveled to Nashville before the sun was even getting ready to rise & ended my day way after it set, these are the moments though where God is allowing me to be free. I've had the opportunity to explore & see all of God's creation in all the free time God's given me & cleaned our tiny apartment more times than it needed.

This town has so many possibilities for me--It holds new beginnings, a new found relationship with my Daddy God, & a year rooming with my best friend. That is a blessing in itself. Moriah is my confidant, my sounding board, coffee date, & my 'go to' person. I truly adore our relationship & bond.

Writing this post has shown me just how many wonderful things God has done for me in just a short amount of time & it's truly refreshing. I love how God knows just what is best for you, even when you feel like you're completely lost. He is forever knowing. 

always.
Grace.

Family.

Tonight I saw it all flash before me.

I was sitting on the couch while my family was gathered around & as I was making my niece giggle, I realized I only have a few short moments of these left. Yes, I have a lifetime of moments, but of these 'come as you may, living under your parents roof' moments, I only have a handful left.

September 1st 2014, I'm finally placing my feet elsewhere. Yes, I know, I've said this so many times before, I've even penned it in journals, but this time...this time, it's for real. The apartment has been found & the lease has been signed. There's no turning back. & there's no desire to turn back....except for these moments that I will be leaving behind. The giggles coming from my niece & nephew. The thrifting days with my sister-in-love. The daily grind & familiar feeling of driving down our back roads to pull into the place I've called home for 13+ years.

It's definitely bittersweet.

Penelope & I will be packing up our belongings & saying goodbye to the familiarity of Momma & Daddy. The comforts of home will be left in the shadows as I make a new home for myself & my pup. I didn't do the 'typical' thing when I graduated high school...I stayed home & managed a house cleaning business, but it was within these last two years that I truly figured out the things I didn't want & the things I absolutely wanted. & with that, I feel like I'm better off than half of the people that went to college straight out of high school.

I needed these last two years, I needed to find the comfort & support that I had been searching for, within my parents. I needed to experience the giddiness of Penelope. I needed to find myself again & I needed to finally be in that place where I, alone, without anyone pressuring me, wanted to move out & find a new home.

It was tonight that I became sad though. Because, as I was sitting on the couch, I watched as the whole room went silent when giggles erupted from Canaan's mouth in my attempt to make her giggle. & it was at the moment that I realized just how truly blessed I am.

Yes, things will be changing within the next few months, but if things never changed, Becca wouldn't be in our lives & neither would Liam or Canaan. & life without any of them, well it simply wouldn't be complete.

It's finally my chance. My moment to make a name for myself. I'm growing up & moving out & that's an exciting feeling. I feel like for years I was always something for someone & in that time I lost myself, without even knowing it, I truly did. I'm ready to search out that girl again & find out what makes her giddy, I want to find out where this path may lead & who may enter it. 

I'll always be a small town girl, I grew up in this town...so many memories are held within the streets & places of this town. Friends that have come & went, welcoming a sister-in-love into the family, the arrival of my nephew & niece & the nightly routine of my parents. So many of these memories aren't able to be captured on film or written about in journals, but that doesn't mean they're forgotten, some of the best moments are the ones you can only stow away in your heart. 

Look out Nashville, Penelope & I are coming for you! 

---grace.

Canaan Joy.

                                                   {Miss. Canaan Joy.}
                                                         Born April 15th 2014
                                                            7lbs 5oz 20 3/4 inches long.

                  It may appear that I am the momma, but I'm just the auntie.
                                       One very proud auntie.

She is one of her big brother's favorite words...."tiny." & that she is, but the fact that God entrusted us with her, is such a blessing.

{Her life will be full, her life will be blessed.}

Prove me right.

“Consider yourself lucky for having met him, for he's the kind of man who'll prove you right.”
-Nicholas Sparks.

Do I write about love a lot? yes.
Am I ashamed about it? no.

My life comes alive in my writings. My dreams are plastered throughout all of these words since the first time I wrote them on February 12th 2010.

I am simply that girl that has always dreamt about her wedding day & the man that will be standing at the end of the aisle, one day. Every girl, at some point in her life, has dreamt of that moment. That split second in time that you see him for the first time, & you have that realization that this man, is going to be the one that stays, he's going to be that man that's going to prove you right. 

Tonight as I was writing in my 5 year, day by day journal, I was asked to write my favorite quote & as I came across this one, I just became happy. Happy that at some point in my life, I'm going to have that 'moment.' That split second in time that I realize he's mine.

I never wanted to be that sappy girl that all she ever wrote about was 'love.'
But, this blog is my spot to write freely. It's the place I feel the most vulnerable & I don't feel judged for anything I write. I am proud of how open I am when I write & at this point in my life, my journey with God is taking me down the road of singleness & I'm okay with that. But, it's in these writings that I will express my heart in these years of it just being me & my pup, Penelope.

My journey is far from over, but, tonight is when I realized that there will come a day that I'm proven right by a man.

promise rings&wedding bands.

Tonight, I watched you walk away once again.
The first time I saw you was December 18th, 2013. It was just a glimpse, but that's all it took for me to remember you. That face. The way you stood above all the rest with your tall demeanor. Tonight I had my chance, even my sister told me to go for it, but I sat back & watched you walk away once again... This was fully my choice & as my parents sat across from me, I explained to them as to why I wasn't going to approach you.

You see, I've carried with me everyday since I turned 15 years old, this beautifully cut diamond ring on my left hand. It's more than a ring to me, it a promise. A promise to me, a promise to my Daddy God, & a promise to my parents, to stay pure. Most importantly though, it's a promise to my {future} husband. As I was facing my parents tonight, a smile started enchanting my world, a smile I honestly haven't seen in a couple years. & as I began to tell my parents why I won't take this ring of my left hand & re-position it to my right hand, I told them that the right man will still approach me. This ring won't scare him off, it'll only capture his gaze even more. I walked away tonight feeling a bit defeated & let down, only because I saw you fade into the dusk once again. I had my chance, but it wasn't my chance to take. When it comes to moments like these, I stand firm on being the girl & allowing you to be the man. Allowing you to be the one to approach me & lead from the start of 'us.'

Tonight wasn't that moment & that's okay.

You see, I haven't been happier than I am right now, in years. I am content in the person I am & who I'm becoming. Any time I think about the future & the husband that will one day capture my world, I am content in knowing that it's all in God's timing. There is no need in rushing God, because in the end, He's always going to go at His own pace. He knows when we are suppose to meet. He knows why 'this boy' didn't approach me tonight. Believe it or not, God is everywhere & know everything.

Tonight & for the rest of my 'single' days, I shall wear this Promise Ring on my left hand & wear it proudly. Someday, somewhere, the right man will approach me & then I will exchange this ring with a wedding band.

Day by day...

I was given the most meaningful gift I've ever received, this past Christmas. It's a five year, day by day journal. My sister either hand wrote or wrote up the questions on her typewriter for every day. It has truly been that little spark of inspiration I've needed in my every day since January 1st. Here are a couple of my favorite questions captured so far....more to come within the next five years.

a trek through Christmas time.

{he has reached that age where he wants to be independent...He used to fall over when we'd put his backpack on his shoulders. Guess he's ready to take on the role of big brother in three months.}

{Pixel enjoying the beautifully decorated tree done by Nina.}

{Peeps 1st Christmas.}

{Ok, consider this...I'm not married, therefore I have no children, so Penelope is my puppy child. Therefore, I shall post a massive amount of photos of her. Enjoy for the sake of me. ;) }

{I do believe Peep enjoyed the ribbon more than the gifts. Good to know for next year.}

{Penelope inspecting all the goodies she got in her stocking on Christmas morning.}

{Despicable Me 2 & homemade popcorn. That was the stillest he's ever been....for twenty minutes.}

{Penelope resting from all that hard work she does as a pup.}

{One of Nina's gift to her was this giant bed...she basically gets lost in it, but nonetheless, she loves it & so do I.}

{This was captured in the middle of him saying the word..."YES!" one of his newest obsessions.}

{While in Starbucks, Liam is only your friend for as long as you'll allow him to have 'ka-ka'...then he's gone. Needless to say, Popi was his favorite.}

[Crazy bath time curls.}

{After bath time cuddles with my little man.}

--I probably say this in every blog post, but my life is incredibly blessed.
I have a nephew that runs up to me & grabs my hand every time he sees me, a pup that gives me endless kisses when I come home from work & a family that I know always has my back. These are only a few of the moments captured over the holiday season...most of them are just in my memory, but those are the best moments in my opinion. The ones where your sister-in-love grabs your hand & puts it on her stomach & you feel your niece or nephew kick for the first time, or the moments of helping your momma cook Christmas dinner in the kitchen or seeing that spark in your nephew's eye as he sees the Christmas tree light up. It's these moments that you can't really capture, you just remember.

I hope as you all go to sleep tonight...your life is blessed.

Grace.