Monday, December 17, 2012

This whirlwind of a year.

Well, as this year is coming to an end--wow. What a year it has been!
Only 15 days left of this year & I've only got one thing to say....I'm so ready to leave this year in the past. To move on & see where life's little adventures will take me. I love the little town I live in, but it's time for me to move away. To find my own grounds & who I'm suppose to be. I know, I've been saying that since before I graduated high school, but I think I honestly needed this year to learn from some things & to let some things happen in my life to get me to where I am now.

Everything happens for a reason & I don't regret the past, I just don't want to continue living in it. I want to move on & truthfully, I want to be loved. I want that radical, crazy, silly, love. The kind that knocks you breathless for just a short moment in time. I want a bigger reason to get pretty for evenings out, than just going to Wal-mart & buying food for the week. *sigh* yes, that is my current life right now.

I want to live on my own.
(or at least out of my parents home.)

This year has been a journey, for sure.
I've learned a lot about myself & the people I called friends. I found out who was a genuine friend in the end & who was only here to get something in return.
I've been lied to so much, it hurts more than I could even try to express to you all.

I've been pushed beyond my limits & I've heard God call my name towards missions in my hometown for the Christmas season.

"I will rise, when HE calls my name."
"God WILL provide."

^^these two sayings have been the two things that I will carry with me out of this year. My God will ALWAYS provide. & if you are in tune with HIS voice, He WILL call upon you. Many regret Him & many don't commit to Him when He calls upon them to be His followers, or even leaders.
*many are called, but very few actually go.*

I want to be one of those very few. I want to hear His voice in the depths of my dreams every night. I want to know Him by NAME.

At the beginning of this year, I had one goal. -->get to May 17th 2012.
My 18th birthday. It was the day I could finally date the boy I had been wanting to date for three years. That's all I was hoping for in this year. Oh, & to graduate high school. I was putting everything else on hold because I didn't care what came after the 17th of May. I just wanted him. Sad, isn't it? very.
It's even hard for me to type out & let you all hear. Because, I was so glued into a boy, that my world revolved around him. & making things work with him, even if it wasn't in God's plan for our lives. & obviously it wasn't, because it only last almost 4 months & now it's in the past.

I will say this though, I had to go through all of that to get here. I would have never known or learned for our relationship if it never happened. If we never knew what it was like to date each other & form a relationship on that level, we would have never learned what we did. We made mistakes...many. We aren't perfect & we failed God, many times. We didn't seek counsel when we should have & we left God in the oven, instead of having him right there with us on the front burner.

advice** never & I mean never, leave God out of a relationship. God can make a relationship fail at ANY point, He has that ability. I know that many of us don't believe that God has that much power, but He does. He made our relationship fail because He wasn't at the center.

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This past year has been challenging to say the least.
I feel at times that I've been hit with a ton of bricks & every time I try to get up, I get hit again & again.
A lot of good has happened & a lot of bad has happened.

In April of this year I became an Aunt to a beautiful little boy.
& as the days go by, I love him more & more. & can't believe that I am the one that gets to be one of his four Aunties.

In May I graduated high school as Salutatorian of my class.
seeing as how there were only two in the graduating class, it was a given. But, I was only points away from getting Valedictorian.
On July 1st I began a relationship with a lovely boy, & it lasted four wonderful months. In the end, we desired something different. We were falling apart from each other instead of falling together as a couple.
If I had to choose one photo from our time together it would have to be this one. We had a quirky relationship. We were best friends for three years & formed a bond over that time that is rare to find. It was a time not wasted in my book.

In August I took over as being the #1 employee for my parents cleaning business. I put beauty school in the back of my mind & decided to take a year off. I will say that my closet has improved within the past couple months, but that cleaning toilets for old people is getting old....reeeeeal quick.
*no photo will be posted of me cleaning toilets, sorry for the disappointment.*

&&, here we are! December 16th, Christmas is coming upon us all very shortly & I couldn't be more excited. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. A time to make memories & relive all your old traditions. A time for family.
In this coming week all my sisters will begin piling in from out of town & the bonding will begin.
Family.
Thank you for reading my extremely long writing for tonight.

Goodnight lovelies.

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