Tonight as I'm heading home from being in Cookeville for Christmas dinner with my brother & sister in law, I'm being reminded that the little kiddos that I blessed with some Christmas presents this year, are opening tonight one of the Christmas presents I gave them---the book, "the night before Christmas".
It was always a tradition of mine that I will carry over to my children one day. & it a big part of my childhood that I remember, it sparked the excitement in me right before I would go to bed for the evening, right before Santa would come. I wanted these little kiddos to have the same excitement as I had. I wanted them to start a tradition.
Tonight my mind is lingering on them & their beautiful faces. I still remember each & every one of them by name & the lovely smiles that came across their faces as I walked in the door & placed some presents under their tree.
Those kiddos will always & forever be apart of my life. In my memory, they will stay.
Tonight, they are being held dear in my heart. I hope as they go to sleep tonight with the excitement of Santa coming in the morning & opening gifts, they are filled with the childlike giddiness.
&&, the parents remember that God is our provider. I wasn't the one that supplied the gifts. God did, I just followed His instructions.
Grace.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
This whirlwind of a year.
Well, as this year is coming to an end--wow. What a year it has been!
Only 15 days left of this year & I've only got one thing to say....I'm so ready to leave this year in the past. To move on & see where life's little adventures will take me. I love the little town I live in, but it's time for me to move away. To find my own grounds & who I'm suppose to be. I know, I've been saying that since before I graduated high school, but I think I honestly needed this year to learn from some things & to let some things happen in my life to get me to where I am now.
Everything happens for a reason & I don't regret the past, I just don't want to continue living in it. I want to move on & truthfully, I want to be loved. I want that radical, crazy, silly, love. The kind that knocks you breathless for just a short moment in time. I want a bigger reason to get pretty for evenings out, than just going to Wal-mart & buying food for the week. *sigh* yes, that is my current life right now.
I want to live on my own.
(or at least out of my parents home.)
This year has been a journey, for sure.
I've learned a lot about myself & the people I called friends. I found out who was a genuine friend in the end & who was only here to get something in return.
I've been lied to so much, it hurts more than I could even try to express to you all.
I've been pushed beyond my limits & I've heard God call my name towards missions in my hometown for the Christmas season.
"I will rise, when HE calls my name."
"God WILL provide."
^^these two sayings have been the two things that I will carry with me out of this year. My God will ALWAYS provide. & if you are in tune with HIS voice, He WILL call upon you. Many regret Him & many don't commit to Him when He calls upon them to be His followers, or even leaders.
*many are called, but very few actually go.*
I want to be one of those very few. I want to hear His voice in the depths of my dreams every night. I want to know Him by NAME.
At the beginning of this year, I had one goal. -->get to May 17th 2012.
My 18th birthday. It was the day I could finally date the boy I had been wanting to date for three years. That's all I was hoping for in this year. Oh, & to graduate high school. I was putting everything else on hold because I didn't care what came after the 17th of May. I just wanted him. Sad, isn't it? very.
It's even hard for me to type out & let you all hear. Because, I was so glued into a boy, that my world revolved around him. & making things work with him, even if it wasn't in God's plan for our lives. & obviously it wasn't, because it only last almost 4 months & now it's in the past.
I will say this though, I had to go through all of that to get here. I would have never known or learned for our relationship if it never happened. If we never knew what it was like to date each other & form a relationship on that level, we would have never learned what we did. We made mistakes...many. We aren't perfect & we failed God, many times. We didn't seek counsel when we should have & we left God in the oven, instead of having him right there with us on the front burner.
advice** never & I mean never, leave God out of a relationship. God can make a relationship fail at ANY point, He has that ability. I know that many of us don't believe that God has that much power, but He does. He made our relationship fail because He wasn't at the center.
---------
This past year has been challenging to say the least.
I feel at times that I've been hit with a ton of bricks & every time I try to get up, I get hit again & again.
A lot of good has happened & a lot of bad has happened.
In April of this year I became an Aunt to a beautiful little boy.
& as the days go by, I love him more & more. & can't believe that I am the one that gets to be one of his four Aunties.
In May I graduated high school as Salutatorian of my class.
seeing as how there were only two in the graduating class, it was a given. But, I was only points away from getting Valedictorian.
On July 1st I began a relationship with a lovely boy, & it lasted four wonderful months. In the end, we desired something different. We were falling apart from each other instead of falling together as a couple.
If I had to choose one photo from our time together it would have to be this one. We had a quirky relationship. We were best friends for three years & formed a bond over that time that is rare to find. It was a time not wasted in my book.
In August I took over as being the #1 employee for my parents cleaning business. I put beauty school in the back of my mind & decided to take a year off. I will say that my closet has improved within the past couple months, but that cleaning toilets for old people is getting old....reeeeeal quick.
*no photo will be posted of me cleaning toilets, sorry for the disappointment.*
&&, here we are! December 16th, Christmas is coming upon us all very shortly & I couldn't be more excited. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. A time to make memories & relive all your old traditions. A time for family.
In this coming week all my sisters will begin piling in from out of town & the bonding will begin.
Family.
Thank you for reading my extremely long writing for tonight.
Goodnight lovelies.
Only 15 days left of this year & I've only got one thing to say....I'm so ready to leave this year in the past. To move on & see where life's little adventures will take me. I love the little town I live in, but it's time for me to move away. To find my own grounds & who I'm suppose to be. I know, I've been saying that since before I graduated high school, but I think I honestly needed this year to learn from some things & to let some things happen in my life to get me to where I am now.
Everything happens for a reason & I don't regret the past, I just don't want to continue living in it. I want to move on & truthfully, I want to be loved. I want that radical, crazy, silly, love. The kind that knocks you breathless for just a short moment in time. I want a bigger reason to get pretty for evenings out, than just going to Wal-mart & buying food for the week. *sigh* yes, that is my current life right now.
I want to live on my own.
(or at least out of my parents home.)
This year has been a journey, for sure.
I've learned a lot about myself & the people I called friends. I found out who was a genuine friend in the end & who was only here to get something in return.
I've been lied to so much, it hurts more than I could even try to express to you all.
I've been pushed beyond my limits & I've heard God call my name towards missions in my hometown for the Christmas season.
"I will rise, when HE calls my name."
"God WILL provide."
^^these two sayings have been the two things that I will carry with me out of this year. My God will ALWAYS provide. & if you are in tune with HIS voice, He WILL call upon you. Many regret Him & many don't commit to Him when He calls upon them to be His followers, or even leaders.
*many are called, but very few actually go.*
I want to be one of those very few. I want to hear His voice in the depths of my dreams every night. I want to know Him by NAME.
At the beginning of this year, I had one goal. -->get to May 17th 2012.
My 18th birthday. It was the day I could finally date the boy I had been wanting to date for three years. That's all I was hoping for in this year. Oh, & to graduate high school. I was putting everything else on hold because I didn't care what came after the 17th of May. I just wanted him. Sad, isn't it? very.
It's even hard for me to type out & let you all hear. Because, I was so glued into a boy, that my world revolved around him. & making things work with him, even if it wasn't in God's plan for our lives. & obviously it wasn't, because it only last almost 4 months & now it's in the past.
I will say this though, I had to go through all of that to get here. I would have never known or learned for our relationship if it never happened. If we never knew what it was like to date each other & form a relationship on that level, we would have never learned what we did. We made mistakes...many. We aren't perfect & we failed God, many times. We didn't seek counsel when we should have & we left God in the oven, instead of having him right there with us on the front burner.
advice** never & I mean never, leave God out of a relationship. God can make a relationship fail at ANY point, He has that ability. I know that many of us don't believe that God has that much power, but He does. He made our relationship fail because He wasn't at the center.
---------
This past year has been challenging to say the least.
I feel at times that I've been hit with a ton of bricks & every time I try to get up, I get hit again & again.
A lot of good has happened & a lot of bad has happened.
In April of this year I became an Aunt to a beautiful little boy.
In May I graduated high school as Salutatorian of my class.
seeing as how there were only two in the graduating class, it was a given. But, I was only points away from getting Valedictorian.
In August I took over as being the #1 employee for my parents cleaning business. I put beauty school in the back of my mind & decided to take a year off. I will say that my closet has improved within the past couple months, but that cleaning toilets for old people is getting old....reeeeeal quick.
*no photo will be posted of me cleaning toilets, sorry for the disappointment.*
&&, here we are! December 16th, Christmas is coming upon us all very shortly & I couldn't be more excited. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. A time to make memories & relive all your old traditions. A time for family.
In this coming week all my sisters will begin piling in from out of town & the bonding will begin.
Family.
Goodnight lovelies.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Summer's long gone.
Tonight I'm missing Summer.
I'm missing the shorts & tank tops.
The car rides with the windows down & your hair blowing everywhere.
I'm missing the sweet smell of flowers springing up from the ground.
& the smell of freshly cut grass.
A summer where it all began.
A summer where it all ended.
Weather it's good or bad, every summer has it's own story that you'll carry with you for many seasons to come.
Summers hold late night swims.
bonfires on the beach.
romance.
freedom from school.
opportunities to take chances.
roadtrips.
Within me tonight holds a love for summer that I'm trying to form into words, but not really knowing how to. Summers for me have always made me feel like a kid again, being back in Florida, eating Orange Blossom ice cream while wearing a orange mustache on my face & not having a care in the world. Just simply being a kid.
picking oranges off of our orange tree in our backyard & then jumping in our pool. Believe it or not, I use to be the tannest child you knew. I was a beautifully browned/tanned child...til about the age of 5, when my parents moved us from Florida & from then on I've been a ghost.
The first glimpse of summer is the best part to the entire season. The shorts being unpacked & school letting out. Summer jobs starting. Vacations taking place.
Summer.
a time for unexpected things to happen.
I'm missing the shorts & tank tops.
The car rides with the windows down & your hair blowing everywhere.
I'm missing the sweet smell of flowers springing up from the ground.
& the smell of freshly cut grass.
A summer where it all ended.
Weather it's good or bad, every summer has it's own story that you'll carry with you for many seasons to come.
Summers hold late night swims.
bonfires on the beach.
romance.
freedom from school.
opportunities to take chances.
roadtrips.
Within me tonight holds a love for summer that I'm trying to form into words, but not really knowing how to. Summers for me have always made me feel like a kid again, being back in Florida, eating Orange Blossom ice cream while wearing a orange mustache on my face & not having a care in the world. Just simply being a kid.
picking oranges off of our orange tree in our backyard & then jumping in our pool. Believe it or not, I use to be the tannest child you knew. I was a beautifully browned/tanned child...til about the age of 5, when my parents moved us from Florida & from then on I've been a ghost.
The first glimpse of summer is the best part to the entire season. The shorts being unpacked & school letting out. Summer jobs starting. Vacations taking place.
Summer.
a time for unexpected things to happen.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Artistic.
A few of my favorite things on this late night where inspiration & craftiness is hitting me.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Popí & bean.
It's incredible.
There are days I will catch him starring at his phone & smiling because the photo on his main screen is of our little bean.
My dad is one proud Popí & can't wait to see him grow up.
He's already talking about taking him into the woods & building forts with him.
Popí sits him on his rocking horse often & talks to him.
I'll catch him singing to him.
&&, the smile that appears on Popí's face when Liam comes walking in our front door is...priceless.
The love he has for Liam, can't be described in words. It just simply can't.
You'll have to see it in his actions.}
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
five families. Christmas. my next journey.
-->I'm beginning to realize that many people will tear you down in life, & not believe in you, even the people closest to you, but YOU are the one with the dreams. YOU are the one with the future you are desiring. YOU have the ability to never give up til you get to where you want to be.
That, that is what I'm striving for. Very few people are believing in where I see my future leading, but I'm having to remind myself that God put these desires in me for a reason. He wants to see me accomplish them & I will.
Missions-->in my hometown first though. There is so much poverty in this town. So many people not knowing where their next meal will come from or if they will ever be able to give their child a birthday present. I want to take their worry away. Their sadness & pain. I want to be a follower for Christ.
This Christmas I shall begin my journey.
{I had been debating for a long time now if I should share this journey with you all, but then I realized that each & every one of you has been with me from the start. So, here it goes.}
A couple weeks ago as I was cleaning toilets, God revealed something to me--families in need. It's Christmas time, right?! Well that's where He has lead me. I am working with an organization that has supplied me with 5 families (because when I prayed about this & asked God how many families I should take on, He flat out told me 5.) & I will be supplying Christmas for them...along with a Christmas dinner. Yes, I know what you're thinking, expensive.
Money is not what is going to hold me back, because from the start God promised me & assured me that HE IS GOING TO PROVIDE. & anytime, (because there are plenty of times) that I get nervous about seeing my bank account drop, He reminds me of what he promised me from the 1st day...He will provide everything I need. No, it may not come right now or even in the next year. But, God is going to provide in the end.
I want to assure you this, I am NOT doing this so I can get a reward in the end though. Because, if I never get a reward, I'll be perfectly fine, because to see the smiles on the families faces when I show up at their doorstep, will be a reward enough. This is my chance to do what I believe I'm destined for. reaching out to the needy & less fortunate & letting them know who Our God is & what He has done.
Every time I think about what God is doing in my life & how He is preparing me for the future, I get butterflies in my stomach. I get giddy & excited. I am more excited about doing this for these families for Christmas than I am for Christmas with my family. This is my time to give back.
When my family & I first moved to this small town, we had nothing. There was a month that we couldn't pay rent on our house & someone took care of it for us from our church. We had very little & people gave to us. It's my turn to give back & thank God for all that I DO have.
-----
When I sat down to write tonight I did NOT plan on telling you all about this.
To be completely honest, I wanted to keep it a secret because I didn't want people feeling like they needed to give in anyway. But, tonight, God typed out these words for me. There is a reason I am telling you all this tonight. I, honestly, don't know the answer to why I am, but God does.
All I ask of you all is, PRAYER. & compassion for the less fortunate & needy.
I will be blessing five families this Holiday season, if only I could do more...But, there is always next year!!
God will provide.
holding out.
{Every time I listen to this song I think of you, babe.
I've yet to meet you, but I know that when I do, you'll be well worth the wait.
This song to me is--
happiness.
love.
forgiveness.
sadness.
giddiness.
hopes for the future.
my heart.
exquisite beauty shown through writing.
my husband.
desiring to know you & become accustomed to your face.
wedding dresses.
our house.
you.}
I've yet to meet you, but I know that when I do, you'll be well worth the wait.
This song to me is--
happiness.
love.
forgiveness.
sadness.
giddiness.
hopes for the future.
my heart.
exquisite beauty shown through writing.
my husband.
desiring to know you & become accustomed to your face.
wedding dresses.
our house.
you.}
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Moments, moments in time.
"Months have passed & memories have faded into the backgrounds, but one thing remains…He’ll always be the first boy I ever loved."
.me.
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