Tonight my mind was made up. Tonight my mind was changed.--it happened a little like this.
{I was driving back with my Momma from visiting a beauty school in Murfreesboro, TN & as we were driving on the interstate I looked in the reflection of the mirror & I saw it. I saw a magnificent sky that was exploding. Why me? Why do I deserve to see that & soak in God's beauty? why?}
As I was sitting there taking it in, not really grasping whatever my mom was talking about at the moment, God was taking me on a journey. Right there, at that moment. I was traveling with Him. Exploring what my next chapter may hold. He knows already where I will be come this September, but me? I'm slowly learning. *Deciding* would be a better word.
As we were traveling He was explaining to me what I need to let Him decide for me. What I need to let go of. I was scared. simple as that. I was fearful of those two simple words, 'what if?'
I could see myself there. For the first time in a very long time I actually felt at home. a new beginning. I NEED that. I need a place that is completely new & different. I need to be free to run if i need to. Somewhere that allows me to be ME. To become who I'm suppose to be. I need to be in a place that is not reminding me of my past, often. I need to break free of the chains satan is holding against me. What he tends to remind me of, often.
I saw myself traveling to that beauty school everyday & enjoying myself. Loving the life I had & learning so much in those 12 months. I want that.
Am I ready to move out on my own? not really. But, If this is what God wants for me, He will prepare me for the future. He will prepare me for September.
As I was looking in that mirror, I was seeing it all. Most importantly, God was showing me His beauty. First hand. He wasn't working through someone to show it to me, He was grabbing my hand & taking me for a journey. He was showing me what my life COULD be like if I just let Him take the wheel. If i sat back for once & enjoyed the ride.
--Now, I also have some choices I have to make on my own, this will determine my future. & I need you all's help. First off, I need prayer, big time. I'm trying for a scholarship right now--full ride scholarship to a different beauty school & on the 20th of this month they will determine the winner. They are only giving out ONE full ride, that's huge. It's a $18,000 scholarship. It would be a TOTAL God thing if they picked me. But if not, I know God has something better in store for me. Somewhere else He wants me to be. So, I need prayer, first & foremost. I need direction.
There are moments when I feel like I know EXACTLY where I want to be & where I "think" God wants me & then there are moments where I feel like I've been pushed on the ground & shoved back to square one. This decision is big. It's my next chapter of my life. What will lead me to the later chapters in my lovely life.
There are days when God feels so close & tonight was one of those nights. I felt like I could FEEL His hands on mine if i just stretched my hand out towards His. He felt near. This is how I feel like I'm on the right path with continuing with looking into cosmetology. Why this field? I have no idea, but I think that's something God is beginning to show me, of why He wants me here.
follow me on my next chapter? I promise to keep you updated.
& thank you in advance for the prayers.
grace.
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