I need a hero.

"I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong, he's gotta be fast,
and he's gotta be larger than life."
{holding out for a hero--Ella Mae Bowen.}

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Someday. You'll hold my hand & walk with me through this life. You'll promise to never let go & look into my deep brown eyes & share your heart. It's not too far of a dream, but some days it feels like i could walk through this life without you, forever.

I need a hero. A boy that sweeps me off my feet & isn't afraid of the, 'what if?' I need a boy that is honest to me & lets me in. I don't want to hide, i want to be proud of you. I want us to be proud of each other & how far we've come. I need a hero, someone that will fight for me. I need you to fight. I need there to not be anything too big for you to end up looking me in the face & telling me, 'i can't do this' & then walk away. I need you to be willing to stay. I need you to want to stay.

This little heart can only take so much. I may look strong on the outside & I may be holding a lot in, but inside, I'm breaking. I'm hurt. I'm struggling. I'm wondering & asking when I'll finally get a 'hero'. When I'll finally get someone that is willing to stay. That's willing to stay through the rough days & the obstacles that face us. I don't need a runner, I've had one too many of those walk into my life.
All they do is stay for a little while, take what they want & walk. They don't stick it out through the rough days to see the silver lining at the end.

Friends have walked--& i've pushed people away. I've given up & I've finally had enough at times. I've tried to run, but I always end up right back here, giving that 'one more chance.'

I've been walked on & I've allowed it. Not anymore. In the past year & a half, I've faced the darkest days of my life & I've had to sit there on my floor & cry out to God asking Him why I can't seem to find someone that's willing. Someone that's willing to see my tears & stay, instead of walk.

I need a hero. I need you. precious boy, whoever you are. Wherever you are. Out there in this world tonight, babe. I need you. The one that knows my heart. That wants to love me for ME. That wants to love every single flaw about myself. I need you, darling. The one that sees my tears & holds me & never thinks about walking. I need you to fight on my weak days.

I want us to share giggles together. I want us to experience life together, as one. Exploring this beautiful world that God created. I want to look into your eyes everyday of this life & not have to fear of you possibly someday, walking. Of you seeing a more 'beautiful' girl & realizing I'm not worth it anymore.

I want a piggyback ride. Silly dream? maybe. But, you'll understand.
You'll get my quirks. You'll look into my eyes & see the world as I see it.
We're a team though, don't forget that.

I may be jealous<--which will hopefully not last forever, but please remember something, don't judge me for this. It's not like I enjoy this side of me, it's just satan attacking. Everyone has things in their life satan is trying to attack & make people hate them for. Don't judge someone for their mistakes when you have mistakes of your own.

I'm also someone that sees the brighter side of things for the majority of this life. --> I don't like to hold grudges. I believe in giving more chances then someone rightfully deserves. & I stick up for the people that hold a special place in my heart. {don't lie to me though, that's a way to hurt me the worst.}
"worst thing about being lied to, is knowing you weren't worth the truth."

I'm normally the person putting aside my feelings for the need of someone else. I listen. I love. I pray. I hope for a change. --I'm the type of person that's willing to be long suffering love. <--I was once told that & that's probably one of the things that has stuck with me the most. Not because of the person that said it, because in the end, God is the one that made me who I am today. It's because someone outside of my family took the time to see that quality in me. They were willing. Even if it felt like for only a short time.

Tonight I suppose I expressed a lot. A lot more then I normally--or ever have. But, I was feeling vulnerable tonight. I was feeling willing. I guess when I write I feel like there is someone listening. Someone that is willing.
--Whoever you are, out there tonight. Weather it's you, babe. Or someone hundreds of miles away, reading directly from my heart tonight.
Thank you.

grace.