As I'm sitting outside in the hallway at MTSU while my sister is in a class, my heart & mind are trying to process the fact that I'm in my senior year & I will soon be having to experience the college life, just like my sister is right now.
I'll be honest, I'm not ready. Not one bit. I fear that I won't know all that I should know, or I won't go for the right major. & I'll have to change. I have a couple choices right now, & my family is backing me up 100% with whatever I choose, but I'm still wandering & remembering my childhood days where I didn't have to worry about much of anything except the fact of waking up in the morning & remembering to clean my room or make my bed.
This campus is huge & as I'm here for the week with my sister while my school is on Fall break, I'm realizing that I don't believe this is what I want to do once I graduate....But how do I face that? How do I tell my parents that I don't want to go to college? Do I have a back-up plan? not really. I have ideas, but you can't go through life on 'ideas.'
Reality is hitting me & I know God has the best for me in His hands, but I'm fearful. I'm not ready for my Senior Year to be over. To be honest, I'm enjoying it...a lot. All the people I'm meeting & creating bonds with..What do I just leave them behind when I graduate? Do I tell them that it's been a great year, but now I have to face the real world? --I'm still figuring all of that out. I'm still searching.
The college life isn't for everyone. Some people say it's the best 4 years of their lives. & Some are just counting down the days til it's over. They say that you should choose a career path that you'd be happy to work in every day for the rest of your life & I do find that to be true, but I'm still wondering what path that would be for me. --I've always wanted "Journalism" --Up until a few months ago. Now I'm leading more towards cosmetology school. I would enjoy doing hair & nails & everything that comes with that for the rest of my life...at least I think I would. & You are pretty much promised a job once you graduate, depending on how good you are. Journalism on the other hand is not a promised field to go into right out of college. It's a dying field to be honest.
I will always have my time that I hide away & write. There will never come a day that I put my journals away & say goodbye to that part of me. This is who I am, just maybe not for an everyday lifestyle.
{I am not trying to sound like I'm complaining because I'm not.}
I am stoked to see where God takes me in the next chapter of my life that I'm coming upon. God has been taking me on some turns in the past couple months & also opening up old chapters that I thought were closed forever, but that's the beauty of God. He is capable of doing whatever He wants to do. He can bring people back into your life whenever He feels like it, or He can take people out without you even having a say in the matter.
I'm just searching to find myself. To find who I'm meant to be. Who I will travel with on this journey called 'life.' Or if I'll take it alone. Who will enter it while I'm traveling & who will be there from start to finish. Who I can look at everyday & know they are there for the long run & who I need to say the word 'goodbye' to.
God knows what road I'll be taking come August of 2012. He already has it planned out. That's the beauty in our God. --God could have a totally different plan for me, He could be sending me out on the Mission field half way across the world come next August. I don't know. But I do know that whatever He has in store for me, I'll be willing. Because I want to follow Him wherever He places me. I'm tired of running.
.Princess in Waiting.
I have to say, you are asking at the beginning the questions I never bothered to ask until now. That's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, it would be good for you to ask my sibling at BK to get you a few minutes with our former cosmetologist. Then contrast that with someone who is still in the business. Use this as a journalism experience, preparing good questions for each person, and then write an article based on your findings, and read it to yourself. I think that will help you with that decision a little bit.
My last bit of advice: Don't get too caught up in the future, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things, sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matt. 6:34 Ok, so I can't take credit for that advice, but I can for this advice. Read Matt. 6:19-34, and take all of that into consideration when looking at the path you will take.