He was finally yours to keep.

It was one of the most vivid dreams I’ve had in a long time & it felt so real.
I remember crying, uncontrollable tears…& when you came up to me, I told you they were nothing but happy tears & that was true. You two are meant for each other, at least in the dream you were, but in my opinion you are in real life, as well.

It was the day…The day he would put a ring on it.

A friend of his asked him “When are you going to propose to her?”
His response: “I’m just waiting for the ok from God.”

Fast forward a few weeks:
It was time. He felt it in every bone in his body…So, He asked you to go on a date with him & as you two are walking he says,
 “I think it’s time we become husband & wife”

As I’m watching all of this play out from afar, all I see are smiles cascading from your face…It was your time. After all the prayer & waiting on God, he was asking you those four words you’ve waited years to hear.

“Will you Marry me?”

Fast forward to that evening:
We are getting dressed up to go out & you are walking to your side of the car & he tells you to wait & opens the door & says, “My Lady…”
& as he is walking to his side, I ask you inside the car:
“He’s been waiting a long time to play this role for you, hasn’t he?”
& you just smiled. It was then that I knew you had a keeper.

———————————
If I could make this your reality for you, dear, I would.
There is a reason though, that God is the best storyteller.

Wait on Him…Wait just a little bit longer.

6:00am mornings.

{My day has consisted of these little feet keeping me very busy.}

Today I have questioned if I really want children & feeling all the more discouraged thinking I'm not equipped for the job of parenting. Also, grateful for the fact of my singleness & knowing that at the end of today I get to leave & go to the quietness of my own home, where only my dog makes the occasional noise. 

Today, I've been challenged to my inner core. I've prayed for patience more times than once & in return, God has granted it for me. Will I ever be ready to devote my time to a little human being, such as this one? My mom has always told me that it's different when they are your own. Your own DNA. When you've carried them for 9 months & created that bond. I fully believe that- so, maybe I am ready?

I do feel like this is a learning period for me. A time to love on the littles in my life, so when God decides to bless me with a husband (& then children), I'll be ready.

I shall go & love on the little a bit more.

You are loved, so deeply.

Death is such a hard thing to understand, even for an adult. To try & grasp why God would take a mother from two beautiful little girls & a husband that needs her, is definitely hard to understand.

Yesterday I felt pain like I've never felt before- some would call it grieving. I found myself weeping on my kitchen floor, crying out to God, begging Him to not take her. I was believing & praying for a miracle & yet it didn't come. Maybe it was just her time to be called home, but, why?

She now has two little girls that won't grow up having a momma to braid their hair, or have random dance parties with, or help them get ready for their first school dance or their wedding day & every moment in between that a daughter simply needs a mother for, but that Josh will now have to try his hardest to fill.

Stephanie was a childhood friend, she was closer to my older sisters, but has been in our lives since I was about 5 or 6 years old...Our worlds drifted apart, she got married, I moved away, but social media kept us close, I got to see her have seven wonderful years of marriage & in that time bring two beautiful daughters into this world.

Josh now has to take on the role of Momma & Daddy & even though it will be hard for quite some time, he will do great, because even though we can't see her, Stephanie will be there right beside him, helping him along in this journey.

Stephanie's time was cut short here on Earth, she only got twenty-six years to impact people's lives, but we get to rejoice in the fact that she is now in the place we can only dream of right now. She knows the face of our Creator- she's seen her name in the lamb's book of life & has been welcomed into the throne room of God. She's held the hand of the Man that made this entire world- the Man that formed her in her mother's womb.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jeremiah 1:5

Most of all, she is now reunited with her older sister, Priscilla- Oh what a great reunion that must have been!

Yesterday when I heard the news that she had passed on, my first thoughts were- "how can this be God's plan? Why didn't He perform a miracle?" I'm not angry at God, but I did find myself blaming Him & that's not fair. But, it's our initial thought, isn't it? & I know that's not what Stephanie wanted- No one is to blame for this, it was her time. None of us can understand why, but it's through God that we need to seek comfort. We need to cling to Him in the time of grieving & mourning.

Stephanie won't be soon forgotten, her life lives on in her daughters, Tiffany & Bailey.
What a great legacy to leave behind.

Her brother posted this verse today-
Matthew 5:4 "God blesses those who mourn."

You are loved, Stephanie.

-Hannah