little breaking heart.

Hello,

Tonight I sit here, getting to the point of tears because of the obstacles I've had to face in the past couple months...Remembering it all, but at the same time not wanting to. The thing is though, I can't get myself to think of something else, something happier. I'm just sitting here dwelling on it all. There are days I let myself do that. I let myself dwell in my sadness.

I feel nothing can make me happy right now. Nothing can bring me 'joy.' So, I'm sitting here pushing the people I love aside, because I don't want them to see the tears. I don't want them to comfort me, I don't want to be 'cheered up' tonight. I just want to sit & feel my Father God close by.

I want to remember every memory. Every tear. Every challenge that has led up to this day. Everything is running through my mind tonight.

Fear.

I live in that daily. It's not something I like to admit but I do.

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For the past two days I've been going through all my old CD's & I've found all the Christian music I use to play in my room daily...So, I've downloaded it all to my itunes now & I've been rocking out to (as I would call it) old school music. The music that I use to listen to & right away I'd feel God right by my side. I'm trying deeply to find that place again. That comforting place where it's just me & Him.

I've longed for friendships for the longest time but just recently I've realized that my best friend is found in my Heavenly Daddy. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He believes in my crazy dreams & is running this race with me. There is never a time that He's had enough of me messing up that He's given up on me. We never get in fights & stop talking for days at a time. No, He's always with me. Walking hand & hand. There are MANY days I just needed to be reminded of this love. Of HIS love.

Yes, tonight my heart is breaking. I'm not going to hide it. But, I'm not going into detail because well, that's between me & God.

You never need to know the prayer to pray for someone.

Because God knows the prayer. God knows the reason for every tear that falls from your eyes & if you'll let Him, He wants to be the one to wipe them away. He knows every obstacles you've faced & are going to face in the future. He knows it all. He knows every hair on your beautiful head. EVERYTHING.

I'm looking ahead to what the next couple months will hold for me & I'm freaking out a bit but I know God holds the best for me in His hands. I have to put my trust in Him. To be honest though, there are days that are hard to just simply put all my trust in Him & move on with my day. I'm a girl that likes to take matters into her own hands. I'm learning though....slowly.

Well, this is all I've got to say for tonight. God holds my breaking heart tonight.

.Princess in Waiting.