New Grounds.

My life has drastically changed in the course of a few days. As of September 1st I will no longer be a resident of Murfreesboro. I will be packing up my car & Penelope & driving back to my old roots. Something I never, truly never thought I would do. I thought this place would be my forever home & then it all changed.

My heart is being pulled back to familiar grounds. I’m going back to a job I never thought I would, but God is beginning to reveal to me that my time is up here. Two years. I got two years to be roommates with my sister & best friend. I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything in the world.
I learned what it meant to live on VERY little- I learned the true value of money & living paycheck to paycheck. I had fear take a hold of me as Penelope almost died about a year ago. I never truly rooted myself within this town- friends never became genuine, but sisters grew closer. I worked retail & let people take advantage of me, but then stood my ground & walked out their doors, never to return again.

When I was asked 2 years ago why I was choosing Murfreesboro as my next step, I would tell people: “I need to find my relationship with God again.”

I found Him. He has met me in my darkest hours. He has sat right beside me as I cried in my closet, on nights when I didn’t know what my purpose was in this town. He has NEVER ONCE failed me when it came to paying rent, bills, ect. I made it on my own- barely, but I did. I’ve added thousands of miles onto my car, watched more sunrises then I can count as I drove home to Crossville for work & grown in my spiritual walk.

If that’s the only thing I take away from the last two years: then I consider myself blessed. It’s what I came to this city for & I’m leaving with so much more then I asked for.

I have no idea what’s in store in the coming months, but I am prepared to take on whatever it is God has for me.

I do know that travel will be apart of it- whether it’s near or far, I want to explore everywhere around me. My sister & I want to explore this beauty God created. We want to continue seeing sunrises & sunsets.

I can guarantee I won’t be rooted for long, that’s not a part of who I am.

Our day.

Momma,

  Twenty-two years ago to this hour, you were in labor with me. You & dad were about to welcome your fifth child into this world. I would soon become your 'hardest' child, because, a tooth would be discovered in my mouth right after delivery & I would grace you with a colic for the first six months of my life.

  I would be the last child you ever carried to term, with the miscarriage that happened in 2000 being the last child you ever conceived. I'll always hold the title of your 'baby girl.'

  Dad would soon surprise you with having a song dedicated to you on the radio, right after I was born.

  While he played that song for us tonight- 22 years later, your eyes filled up with tears & you looked at the man that held your hand during delivery & has continued to hold your hand every day since. Through the days of trail & days of success- he's been the man you've looked to. He chose you & you chose him 33 years ago & you've never looked back since.

  Josiah would not get his wish of having a younger brother, once again- & would soon decide that dressing us up in army gear would have to do. He'd take on the role of protector for his four sisters from the start & carry that throughout his life. 22 years later though, he would break the 'trend' & allow Liam a little brother to play with.
---------------------------------------------

  Today, we celebrate you, Momma. You gave me life. This day is just as special for me, as it is for you. You cared for me & nurtured me for 9 long months. You thought about me before yourself & still do to this day. You hold the title of 'momma' with grace & tenderness.

  I celebrate this day- my birthday, because you & dad chose to allow God to give you as many children as He saw fit. Thank you for choosing life. So many babies are denied even a chance at life...a chance at becoming who God has destined them to be.

  I only know from stories what that day was like for you & dad- & the four siblings that awaited me at home. I do know though, that from the moment a little girl with a full head of dark hair & a chubby belly was welcomed into this world, I've been loved. & I've been loved deeply.

  Thank you for the long sleepless nights & for all the 'messy' adventures that I brought into your life. Thank you for giving me siblings, which I would soon find out would be my best & truest friends throughout the years. Thank you for the years of homeschooling, driving lessons & teaching me what it meant to be a Godly women.

  This day truly should be your day. I will forever share this day with you.


.Your Gracie girl.

Song- "Beautiful In My Eyes" By: Joshua Kadison

Saturdays.

  Here I sit on one of the prettiest saturday evenings I’ve seen in a very long time & yet I have no plans. I will sit on this porch until the sun sets & then I’ll go inside, finish the laundry that is currently spinning in the washer, make a pot of coffee & finish out my evening with some poetry reading.

  I sound like I’m 80 years old, I know. This is my definition of a Saturday evening though. I’ve never been that girl that hits up the clubs or bars on the weekends or anytime for that matter. I’ve tasted wine twice & both times it burned the entire time it went down.

  I love nights in- movies, coffee, Penelope cuddles, human cuddles, sister talks, evenings spent having conversations with God.
 
 I was recently asked- “where do you see yourself in 2 years?”

  Honestly, I don’t know. I’d like to say I’ll be married & (possibly) a kiddo on the way. Or maybe I’ll be traveling the world with my man by my side, all the while living in a traveling “tiny house”. Whatever it may be, I’ll be happy & blessed.

  If I’m still apartment living with my pup & sister, I’ll be ok too. I’m learning to be happy in each season God gives me & to not rush things. As much as I want to some days, I need to enjoy the here, the now. //we can never get this time, this moment back. Enjoy it, savor it. 

  So, tonight I will sit on this porch with Penelope & thank God for this beautiful day & also thank Him for the future, because even though I don’t see it right now or can even comprehend what it may hold- I know God has something exquisite planned out for me.
 
 Tonight, I thank Him.

Dad.

  You chased away the monsters. You cradled me to try & stop the tears. You prayed over me countless times & still do. You held my tiny hand as we crossed the street & you taught me the value of working for your money. You’ve stood beside Momma & raised five children & now you’re reaping the rewards of grandchildren.

  Bernard, Miss Rosie & Joey will always be my childhood. You brought imagination to a whole new level when it came to your children & making sure our younger years were remembered. You brought stories to life.

  You’ve held the same hand for 33 years & still look at her like it’s the 1st year of marriage. With that same hand, you’ve prayed over our spouses & allowed us to be patient & hold out for the very best. You’ve set the bar high, Daddy.

  Thank you for allowing your children to work beside you & for every early Saturday morning breakfast at Krystal’s as we headed off to work. Thank you for the time spent investing in your children’s lives, instead of just investing in your job.

  Thank you for being here.


.Your youngest.

Home.

  Tonight you sat there & allowed my heart to spill open. You played the role you've been waiting years to play. The role of a momma that is seeing her daughter's future lie before her. You allowed me to admit my past & the mistakes I made & there wasn't a hint of judgement in your eyes. Brokenness was expressed & tears flowed..& a past was talked about that seems like ages ago, but truths needed to be brought to light. You allowed me that sounding board I needed.

  You welcomed a future that I never imagined I would have, but, that God is opening up the possibility to. He's preparing my heart for what's to come & tonight I just needed my momma & that's exactly what you were to me.

  Home to me will always be you & daddy. always. No matter where life takes us or how many houses we move in & out of, that's not home. The two of you are home to me. The smell of your fresh laundry. The nightly foot rubs. Daddy's smile. Kessie laughter. Our family's second language- tears. {Happy or sad.} The smile that brushes across my face when I know I'm within a few short miles of home....This is home to me.

  Tonight I told you I wanted you to be apart of this journey & you told me that most kids don't want their parents input, but I'm not like most kids. I need your wisdom & counsel. I need you to stand by me & possibly welcome this lovely boy into our world.

  I want to do it right this time...There will be mistakes along the way, but nothing that can't be fixed with an 'I'm sorry'.

  This time it's different. --This time it's a story for the books.

  Thank you for your love.
-Gracie.

The aches of a writer.

I'm aching to write these days. It used to come frequently & then one day it just stopped. Without permission, my words failed. They drifted away with no promise of a return date. 

Until recently... Creativity & inspiration has been everywhere. I don't want to do anything other than write. I want to cancel plans & quit working. I just want to let my mind wander & drift, with a pen in hand.

I don't know what's creating this desire, but I shall not complain. I will write into the wee hours of the morning & explore the places that bring inspiration. I will leave my bed unkept & windows open, allowing the sun rays to creep their way into my room. I will allow Penelope cuddles to consume my days. I will embrace the freedom 2016 is giving me. I will become a better version of myself. I will travel. I will be vulenerable with my words, holding nothing back. 

Maybe it's him. Maybe he's bringing about this desire in me. Because, I don't want to forget this season of my life. This journey of us. The year 2016. The ebb & flow of what this year is going to bring. I want to not only capture it through photos, but I want to remember it through my words. I want to relive the year 2016, ten years from now. 

Being a writer is the greatest gift God ever gave to me & I won't take it for granted anymore. 

If anyone needs me, I'll be ignoring the responsibility of life & journaling under the willow tree. Find me there, darling.

Oliver.

  Today I gave in my notice. I let go of the one steady job I have here in my town, in hopes that God will supply something better. Something I enjoy doing. I don’t enjoy this. I dread Tuesdays & Thursdays.

  Today though, I felt a love for you that was close to what I feel for my niece & nephew. I embraced your hugs & laughter. I knew that my time with you was coming to a close. I’ve watched you grow up in the last year. You started out so small & fragile. Helpless. Now, we can’t keep track of you.

  I will miss our days.

  I will miss the acceptance your parents have shown towards me. I will miss the look you give me when you see me walk into the room, because you know my face now. You’ve grown accustomed to my face.

  You are loved, little one. & I’m grateful that I could be apart of your 1st year of life.